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tell some problems and solutions in enviroment

tell some problems and solutions in enviroment E9VAR
There are certain number of factors contributing to the ever-increasing extinction rate, two noticeable ones that could be considered are the habitat loss and poaching activities done by humans. It is a fact that the mass destruction of forests, which serves to increase space for cultivation and develop urban infrastructure, has really posed a threat to wildlife's habitat; leading many animals to lose their natural home. This is not to mention that environmental degradation has also resulted in the species' loss of habitations, for example, it is reported that climate change and global warming have caused a drastic reduction in the number of polar bears as ice, their shelter, is melting due to the increasing temperature of the Earth. The other culprit for the alarming rate of extinction could be identified as the illegal wildlife trafficking and poaching in many nations, which benefits people in fashion and pharmaceutical industry. However, there are various steps that governments could take to alleviate that problem. Crafting policies to ban deforesting and trading and poaching wildlife illegally must be high on the agenda of governments all over the world. Last but not least, it is crucial that the authorities and environmental organizations establish several conservation areas. By doing so, there will be more wildlife sanctuaries for rare animals, which would not only preserve species and genetic diversity but also protect them against poachers, thus preventing them from total disappearance.
There are certain number of factors contributing to the ever-increasing extinction rate, two noticeable ones that could
be considered
are the habitat loss and poaching activities done by humans. It is a fact that the mass destruction of forests, which serves to increase space for cultivation and develop urban infrastructure, has
really
posed a threat to wildlife's habitat; leading
many
animals to lose their natural home. This is not to mention that environmental degradation has
also
resulted in the species' loss of habitations,
for example
, it
is reported
that climate
change
and global warming have caused a drastic reduction in the number of polar bears as ice, their shelter, is melting due to the increasing temperature of the Earth. The other culprit for the alarming rate of extinction could
be identified
as the illegal wildlife trafficking and poaching in
many
nations, which benefits
people
in fashion and pharmaceutical industry.
However
, there are various steps that
governments
could take to alleviate that problem. Crafting policies to ban deforesting and trading and poaching wildlife
illegally
must
be high on the agenda of
governments
all over the world. Last
but
not least, it is crucial that the authorities and environmental organizations establish several conservation areas. By doing
so
, there will be more wildlife sanctuaries for rare animals, which would not
only
preserve species and genetic diversity
but
also
protect them against poachers,
thus
preventing them from total disappearance.
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IELTS essay tell some problems and solutions in enviroment

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
235 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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