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the advantages and the disadvantages

There is no doubt that, in the vast majority of parents show an inclination to purchase new sorts of toys to their children. Despite being controversial, some individuals consider that it has not any benefits to the children and it is waste of time. I will outline the potential causes and suggest possible solutions. The greatest benefit of toys is making their feeling and mentality more powerful since this is stimulus from the better side. Moreover, the vast majority of individuals are likely to opt mental toys because of their impact to childrens' progress. For instance, any child is 5 years old and parents show an inclination to make their children's brain more powerful and sharp so it stands to reason mental toys have a big role in their life. For this reason, from some individuals' point of view, mental and salubrious toys should be all children's some period. On the other hand, individuals think completely various than first side since their thoughts give priority to the other thing not toys. Undoubtedly, they do not prefer to toys so toys are futile things since for them toys are not significant part of children. Also, due to the fact that, these peoples' approaching to this issue is not so true as far as I am concern toys has big role in all children's life for their future. In conclusion, mental toys make the situation for the children from better side furthermore advantageous playthings  create a situation for being smart.
There is no doubt that, in the vast majority of parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
an inclination to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
new sorts of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. Despite being controversial,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
individuals consider that it has not any benefits to the
Use a comma before ‘and’ if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
children and
it is waste of time. I will outline the potential causes and suggest possible solutions.

The greatest benefit of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
is making their feeling and mentality more powerful since this is stimulus from the better side.
Moreover
, the vast majority of individuals are likely to opt
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their impact to
Possible spelling mistake found.
childrens
' progress.
For instance
, any child is 5 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
and parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
an inclination to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their children's brain more powerful and sharp
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it stands to reason
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
role in their life.
For this reason
, from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
individuals' point of view,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mental
and salubrious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
should be all children's
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
period.

On the other hand
, individuals
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
completely various than
first
side since their thoughts give priority to the other thing not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
.
Undoubtedly
, they do not prefer to
Use a comma before ‘so’ if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
toys
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
are futile things since for them
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
are not significant part of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
Also
, due to the fact that, these peoples' approaching to this issue is not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
true as far as I am concern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
role in all children's

life for their future.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the situation for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
from better side
furthermore
advantageous playthings
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
create a situation for being smart.

IELTS essay the advantages and the disadvantages

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
248 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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