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THE ADVANTAGES AND DISADVANTAGES OF LONGEVITy

THE ADVANTAGES AND DISADVANTAGES OF LONGEVITy DwArp
Recently, there is phenoma of the increasement of life exptancy around the world. Beside the huge benefit, they also cause some drawbacks which we will discuss in this essay. Firstly, talking about benefits, we all know that increasing life expantyacy seems beneficla for a lot of people. Supprting this evidence, it is often claim that the longer the people live, the more social events and emotion they encounter. As a result, they become more mature and their viewpoint of life become more positive, which enhance their metal health and nullify the chances of getting sick and disease. Moreover, when they can live longer, they can spend the precious moments to do things that they have dreamed entire life or lucky enough there might be some who wants to dedicate their skills to do research or contribute to the society. Just imagine that Edison or others gifted scientists still alive, they will invite more things that might transcend and help us to have a better life Talking about drawbacks which outweigh the advantages. Firstly, When people live longer, it will lead to overpopulated density and the more people in this world, the more turbulence and energy to consume. It will cause pollution and cliate change. Moreover, it will increase pressure on medical workers and social services a because there will be more people who need to be treated and the worse thing it will decline the quality of life, because more people will look and compete to get a place in the workforces which cause diffuclty for young generations and people will socially isolated and there will be a lot of health issues because life is too stressful, you have to work like a robot to catch up with the society. Finally, there will the rise of seinor citizens, since most of them cannot work to earn money, it will cause adverse effect on economy and since there are more people, the more food to consume so the depletion of natural resoruces. In conclusion, life exptancy is inviteable but there are solutions to prevent this from occur: Increase the retirement age for working adults from 65 to 70. Nowadays, people at this age can keep working. A second solution is to use national budget to spend on health care services and community accommodation so everything will remain stable and safe for future
Recently, there is
Possible spelling mistake found.
phenoma
of the
Possible spelling mistake found.
increasement
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
Possible spelling mistake found.
exptancy
around the world. Beside the huge benefit, they
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cause
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
drawbacks which we will discuss in this essay.

Firstly
, talking about benefits, we all know that increasing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
Possible spelling mistake found.
expantyacy
seems
Possible spelling mistake found.
beneficla
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Supprting
this evidence, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
claim that the longer the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
, the more social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
and emotion they encounter.
As a result
, they become more mature and their viewpoint of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
become more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
, which enhance their metal health and nullify the chances of getting sick and disease.
Moreover
, when they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
longer, they can spend the precious moments to do things that they have dreamed entire
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
or lucky
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
there might be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
who wants to dedicate their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
to do research or contribute to the society.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Just
imagine that Edison or others gifted scientists
still
alive, they will invite more things that might transcend and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
us to have a better
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
life


Talking about drawbacks which outweigh the advantages.
Firstly
, When
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
longer, it will lead to overpopulated density and the more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in this world, the more turbulence and energy to consume. It will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cause
pollution and
Possible spelling mistake found.
cliate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
.
Moreover
, it will increase pressure on medical workers and social services a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
there will be more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who need to
be treated
and the worse thing it will decline the quality of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will look and compete to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a place in the
Possible spelling mistake found.
workforces
which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cause
Possible spelling mistake found.
diffuclty
for young generations and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will
socially
isolated and there will be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
health issues
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
is too stressful, you
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
work like a robot to catch up with the society.
Finally
, there will the rise of
Possible spelling mistake found.
seinor
citizens, since most of them cannot work to earn money, it will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cause
adverse effect on economy and since there are more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, the more food to consume
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
the depletion of natural
Possible spelling mistake found.
resoruces
.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
Possible spelling mistake found.
exptancy
is
Possible spelling mistake found.
inviteable
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
there are solutions to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
this from occur: Increase the retirement age for working adults from 65 to 70. Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
at this age can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
working. A second solution is to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
national budget to spend on health care services and community accommodation
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
everything will remain stable and safe for
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
future
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IELTS essay THE ADVANTAGES AND DISADVANTAGES OF LONGEVITy

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
390 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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