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logentivity advatage drawback

logentivity advatage drawback QRmaK
Recently, there is a phenomenon of an increase in life expectancy around the world. Besides the huge benefit, they also cause some drawbacks which, we will discuss in this essay. Firstly, talking about benefits, we all know that increasing life expectancy seems beneficial for many people. It usually claims that the longer people live, the more social events and emotions they encounter. As a result, they become more mature. Their viewpoint of life becomes more positive, which enhances their mental health; nullifies the chances of getting sick and disease. When they can live longer, they can spend precious moments doing things that they have dreamed entire life. There might be some who want to dedicate their skills to do research or contribute to society. Just imagine that Edison or other gifted scientists are still alive. They will invite more things that might transcend and help us to have a better life. Talking about drawbacks; When people live longer, it will lead to overpopulated density, and the more people in this world, the more energy to consume. It will cause pollution and climate change. The worse thing is it will decline the quality of life because more people will look and compete to get a place in the workforces which cause difficulty for young generations. There will be a lot of health issues because life is too stressful, so you have to work like a robot to catch up with society. Finally, there is a rise of senior citizens, since most of them cannot work to earn money which will harm the economy also, there are more people, the more food to consume so the depletion of natural resources. In conclusion, life expectancy is inevitable. However, there are solutions to prevent this: Increase the retirement age for working adults from 65 to 70. Nowadays, people at this age can keep working. A second solution is to use the national budget to spend on health care services and community accommodation so everything will remain stable and safe for the future.
Recently, there is a phenomenon of an increase in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
expectancy around the world.
Besides
the huge benefit, they
also
cause
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
drawbacks which, we will discuss in this essay.

Firstly
, talking about benefits, we all know that increasing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
expectancy seems beneficial for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. It
usually
claims that the longer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
, the more social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
and emotions they encounter.
As a result
, they become more mature. Their viewpoint of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
becomes more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
, which enhances their mental health; nullifies the chances of getting sick and disease. When they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
longer, they can spend precious moments doing things that they have dreamed entire
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. There might be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
who want to dedicate their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
to do research or contribute to society.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Just
imagine that Edison or other gifted scientists are
still
alive. They will invite more things that might transcend and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
us to have a better life.

Talking about drawbacks; When
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
longer, it will lead to overpopulated density, and the more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in this world, the more energy to consume. It will cause pollution and climate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
. The worse thing is it will decline the quality of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will look and compete to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a place in the
Possible spelling mistake found.
workforces
which cause difficulty for young generations. There will be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
health issues
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
is too stressful,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
you
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
work like a robot to catch up with society.
Finally
, there is a rise of senior citizens, since most of them cannot work to earn money which will harm the economy
also
, there are more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, the more food to consume
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
the depletion of natural resources.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
expectancy is inevitable.
However
, there are solutions to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
this: Increase the retirement age for working adults from 65 to 70. Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
at this age can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
working. A second solution is to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the national budget to spend on health care services and community accommodation
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
everything will remain stable and safe for the future.
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IELTS essay logentivity advatage drawback

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
338 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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