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The advantage and disadvantage of School Uniforms

The advantage and disadvantage of School Uniforms j9pea
There are numerous advantage of school uniform. Firstly, we are focus more on lesson because the students do not have to worry so much about their appearance plays a part because everyone wear the same uniform. And we less competition at fashion because everything must be in rules. Secondly, we can save money because decrease cost of clothing and it is not necessary to use brand name products. And we one time purchase. Lastly it polite because it safety and propriety
There are numerous advantage of school uniform.
Firstly
, we are focus more on lesson
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the students do not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
worry
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
much about their appearance plays a part
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
everyone
The pronoun 'everyone' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "wears", "wore".
wear
the same uniform. And we less competition at fashion
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
everything
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
.
Secondly
, we can save money
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
decrease cost of clothing and it is not necessary to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
brand name products. And we one time
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
.
Lastly
It seems that a verb is missing after "it". Please verify.
it
polite
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it
Did you mean "safeties"?
safety
and
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
propriety

IELTS essay The advantage and disadvantage of School Uniforms

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
80 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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