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the advantage and disadvantage of large family in the past

the advantage and disadvantage of large family in the past GLorQ
Many years ago, a family usually had more than one generation and many children living together. Families in the modern life are smaller than in the past. A large family has many advantages and disadvantages. First of all, the big family had joyful atmosphere where members could share their happiness and sorrows. They could receive many suggestion, good advice from older generation that helped they made a good decision to solve their problems. They were never alone. Secondly, the children who were in a family can protect each other when they got troubled in their life. Although, sometimes, they quarreled, they studied how to control the emotion. In addition, the eldest child would be took care of siblings while adults were working. It helped parents save a bit money when they didn’t need to hire anyone to look after their children or grandparents. I think the finance became a big problem when they had got a large family. The bread-winners had to budget their money so that every members had enough food and clothes to live. The parents could not take care of all their children because they needed to take time to do a lot of works. Moreover, children had to share bedroom with their brother and sister. It was very hard when they needed private place. As for me, the benefits of large family were greater than the drawbacks. People who had big family always know what the sharing is. They knew how to protect and supported each other when they got troubles in life.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
years ago, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
usually
had more than one generation and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
living together.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Families
in the modern life are smaller than in the past. A large
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
advantages and disadvantages.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
had joyful atmosphere where members could share their happiness and sorrows. They could receive
Possible agreement error. The noun suggestion seems to be countable; consider using: "many suggestions".
many suggestion
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
advice from older generation that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
they made a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
decision to solve their problems. They were never alone.
Secondly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who were in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
can protect each other when they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
troubled in their life. Although,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
, they quarreled, they studied how to control the emotion.
In addition
, the eldest child would be
Consider using a past participle here: "taken".
took
care of siblings while adults were working. It
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
parents save a
It seems that there's a missing preposition after ''.
bit
money when they didn’t need to hire anyone to look after their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
or grandparents.

I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
the finance became a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
problem when they had
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
a large
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
. The bread-winners had to budget their money
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that every
The noun should be probably in the singular form: "member"?
members
had
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
food and clothes to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
. The parents could not take care of all their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they needed to take time to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
works.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
had to share bedroom with their brother and sister. It was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
when they needed private place.

As for me, the benefits of large
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
were greater than the drawbacks.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
who had
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
always know what the sharing is. They knew how to protect and supported each other when they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
troubles in life.
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IELTS essay the advantage and disadvantage of large family in the past

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
257 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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