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At the present day, some people opt to be self-employed instead of working for a enterprises or organization.

At the present day, some people opt to be self-employed instead of working for a enterprises or organization. 96GlX
At the present day, some people opt to be self-employed instead of working for a enterprises or organization. In this essay, I would argue some reasons for this trend and the drawbacks of being self-employed. There are several reasons why more and more people want to be independent businesses. The first reason is that they want to escape all pressures from managers. For example, if employees work under the authoritarian management, employees do not have a chance to be more creative and always have to suffer restraint from managers. This lead to health problems in the long time, such as depressed or exhaused, which is detrimental effects on their quality life. Another reason is that people who want to be self-employed have a more decent salary. That is because if they are self-employed, they can earn more money to support their family. When workers work for a company or organization, they will only be offered a certain salary level, while being a self-employed, they could decide their own income. Nevertheless, there are some drawbacks for this trend. Firstly, being a self-employed would have certain risks. In fact, in order to start-up, people have to spend a huge amount of capital for business, this means that if they go bankrup, they have to take a whole risk or lose all their property and career. Therefore, they would suffer a great pressure from mangaging their own company. Secondly, self-employment is very busy, they have no time to take care of their family. Disagreement, quarrels would appear more in the family, this cause the relationship beween children and parents more and more decline, which influent on the standard life. In conclusion, nowadays many people choose self-employment rather than to work for a company or organisation because of a number of reasons. However, this trend also brings detrimental effects on their life.
At the present day,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
opt to be self-employed
instead
of working for
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "a enterprise" or simply "enterprises"?
a enterprises
or organization. In this essay, I would argue
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
for this trend and the drawbacks of being self-employed.

There are several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
why more and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
want to be independent businesses. The
first
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
is that they want to escape all pressures from managers.
For example
, if employees work under the authoritarian management, employees do not have a chance to be more creative and always
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
suffer restraint from managers. This lead to health problems in the long time, such as depressed or
Possible spelling mistake found.
exhaused
, which is detrimental effects on their quality life. Another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who want to be self-employed have a more decent salary.
That is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
if they are self-employed, they can earn more money to support their family. When workers work for a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
or organization, they will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
be offered
a certain salary level, while being a self-employed, they could decide their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
income.

Nevertheless
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
drawbacks for this trend.
Firstly
, being a self-employed would have certain
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
. In fact, in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
-up,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
spend a huge amount of capital for business, this means that if they go
Possible spelling mistake found.
bankrup
, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
take a whole
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
or lose all their property and career.
Therefore
, they would suffer a great pressure from
Possible spelling mistake found.
mangaging
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
.
Secondly
, self-employment is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
busy, they have no time to take care of their family. Disagreement, quarrels would appear more in the family, this cause the relationship
Possible spelling mistake found.
beween
children and parents more and more decline, which
Possible spelling mistake found.
influent
on the standard life.

In conclusion
, nowadays
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
choose self-employment
rather
than to work for a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
or
Do not mix variants of the same word ('organisation' and 'organization') within a single text.
organisation
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of a number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
.
However
, this trend
also
brings detrimental effects on their life.
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IELTS essay At the present day, some people opt to be self-employed instead of working for a enterprises or organization.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
308 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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  • Meet the criteria
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