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The 21st century has witnessed a manifold of environmental degradation, such as climate change or extreme pollution. What do you think are the causes? What solutions can you suggest?

The 21st century has witnessed a manifold of environmental degradation, such as climate change or extreme pollution. What do you think are the causes? What solutions can you suggest? 0pPO9
Nowadays, human existence is threatened due to the destruction of nature. Therefore, several policies and initiatives are taken into account to tackle this problem. On the one hand, human consumption places the environment in severe conditions. Before the 21st century, people went to industrialization that exploited natural resources such as coal, forest, and land. It also caused extinction and harmful migration to animal's habitats. Industrialization has had counter-effects on not only natural life but also human life. Catastrophic disasters and diseases are the results of unthoughtful environmental decision-making or pro-economic policies. Moreover, humans have increased their irrational demand from healthy life to a wasteful living style. For example, people usually throw their unwanted food away instead of saving it. Looking at water resources, humans only have 1% of fresh water on the earth to consume. People living in big cities such as cape town already went over the limit of water usage and reached Day Zero. On the other hand, humans still maintain some strategies to solve environmental issues. Rather than following a linear economy, many social enterprises switch to the circular economy, a more sustainable way to function people's lives. The circular economy concentrates on eliminating global challenges such as climate change or biodiversity loss. According to principle 3R (reduce - reuse - recycle), the circular economy promises a no-take - make - waste production process but it brings products into lives and no waste to the environment by a circular process. The impact of the circular economy has proved that it improves the security of the supply of raw materials and can boost economic growth. In real life, many European countries had changed their policies and investment to a circular economy. In conclusion, human overconsumption might be the main factor causing death to the environment but there is no doubt that the problems will be diminished by serious system policies by the government.
Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
existence
is threatened
due to the destruction of nature.
Therefore
, several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
policies
and initiatives
are taken
into account to tackle this problem.

On the one hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
consumption places the environment in severe conditions.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Before
the 21st century,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
went to industrialization that exploited natural resources such as coal, forest, and land. It
also
caused extinction and harmful migration to animal's habitats. Industrialization has had counter-effects on not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
natural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. Catastrophic disasters and diseases are the results of
Possible spelling mistake found.
unthoughtful
environmental decision-making or pro-economic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
policies
.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
have increased their irrational demand from healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
to a wasteful living style.
For example
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
usually
throw their unwanted food away
instead
of saving it. Looking at water resources,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
have 1% of fresh water on the earth to consume.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
living in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
cities such as
Capitalize specific, well-defined geographical places.
cape town
already went over the limit of water usage and reached Day Zero.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
still
maintain
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
strategies to solve environmental issues.
Rather
than following a linear
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economy
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
social enterprises switch to the circular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economy
, a more sustainable way to function
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. The circular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economy
concentrates on eliminating global challenges such as climate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
or biodiversity loss. According to principle 3R (
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
reuse
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
recycle), the circular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economy
promises a no-take
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
waste production process
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it brings products into
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
and no waste to the environment by a circular process. The impact of the circular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economy
has proved that it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improves
the security of the supply of raw materials and can boost economic growth. In real
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
European countries had
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
policies
and investment to a circular economy.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
overconsumption might be the main factor causing death to the environment
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
there is no doubt that the problems will
be diminished
by serious system
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
policies
by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
.
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IELTS essay The 21st century has witnessed a manifold of environmental degradation, such as climate change or extreme pollution. What do you think are the causes? What solutions can you suggest?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
315 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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