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The 21st century has begun. What changes do you think this new century will bring? v.10

The 21st century has begun. What changes do you think this new century will bring? v. 10
With the rise of 21st century, there has been rapid development throughout the world compared to the past, starting from, the education, to the employment opportunities. However, the several advantages have brought, and still, bringing various disadvantages, which are commonly observed in both, youth and, adults. This essay will illustrate about, the different changes that developed the community in the modern society. On the one hand, Current generation has many pros, that is, discovered many gadgets, and other accessories which have become convenient for us, by a wide array of population in nations. For example, Previously, a significant number of men and women, used to communicate with each other by letters or, by the telegram. These are now replaced by one click, with the help of social media, such as, Facebook, Twitter, and moreover, the Telephone has got replaced by the Mobile phone by which people are able to access any person, residing in any corner of the globe, from the home, and also, the work stations. On the other side, Despite of the numerous progressions, these advancements have raised lots of drawbacks, while, lack of the technology used to bring people from different corners, together at one place. For instance, Human beings use to travel long distances, to celebrate the special occasions before the use of technology. But, with the invention of software like, the Skype, Zoom, and, the Hangouts, bring the distance between individuals, even if, they are near to each other. The social status is the other key issue, which is brought by the centenary. Further, leading to, less value, moral, affection, and care, also affecting the future of the upcoming generations. Finally, In conclusion, I conclude that, Inspite of tremendous innovations, the 21st century will bring differences between the communities and the societies, based on social status, superiority, and furthermore, the distance between the relationships. These can be prevented by, realising the importance of the technology and, likewise, the importance of the personality. If, it is not possible, it will lead to drastic, and, an unexpected sequence of the events affecting the humankind, and, the nature.
With the rise of 21st century, there has been rapid development throughout the world compared to the past, starting from, the education, to the employment opportunities.
However
, the several advantages have brought, and
still
, bringing various disadvantages, which are
commonly
observed in both, youth and, adults. This essay will illustrate about, the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
that developed the community in the modern society.

On the one hand,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Current
generation has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
pros,
that is
, discovered
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
gadgets, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
accessories which have become convenient for us, by a wide array of population in nations.
For example
, Previously, a significant number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
and women,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to communicate with each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
by letters or, by the telegram. These are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
replaced by one click, with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of social media, such as, Facebook, Twitter, and
moreover
, the Telephone has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
replaced by the Mobile phone by which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are able to access any person, residing in any corner of the globe, from the home, and
also
, the work stations.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
side,
Did you mean "Despite" (or, alternatively, 'in spite of')?
Despite of
the numerous progressions, these advancements have raised lots of drawbacks, while, lack of the technology
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to bring
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
corners, together at one place.
For instance
, Human beings
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
to travel long distances, to celebrate the special occasions
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of technology.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, with the invention of software like, the Skype, Zoom, and, the Hangouts, bring the distance between individuals, even if, they are near to each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
. The social status is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
key issue, which
is brought
by the centenary.
Further
, leading to, less value, moral, affection, and care,
also
affecting the future of the upcoming generations.

Finally
,
In conclusion
, I conclude that,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Inspite
of tremendous innovations, the 21st century will bring differences between the communities and the societies, based on social status, superiority, and
furthermore
, the distance between the relationships. These can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevented
by,
Possible spelling mistake. 'realising' is British English.
realising
the importance of the technology and,
likewise
, the importance of the personality. If, it is not possible, it will lead to drastic, and, an unexpected sequence of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
affecting the humankind, and, the nature.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
Learning another language is not only learning different words for the same things, but learning another way to think about things.
Flora Lewis

IELTS essay The 21st century has begun. What changes do you think this new century will bring? v. 10

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
350 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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