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Experts say that older people stay healthy when they spend time with others. nowadays older people experience loneliness and poor health conditions. what are the causes of this and suggest some solutions v.1

Experts say that older people stay healthy when they spend time with others. nowadays older people experience loneliness and poor health conditions. what are the causes of this and suggest some solutions v. 1
In recent years, emotional disturbance and poor health status of the older generation are becoming increasingly problematic. Some experts mention that the emotional and physical well-being of older adults is highly related to the level of social interaction they have. This essay aims to discuss the causes of this issue and provide possible solutions. As many older people are living alone without support from their family and friends, it gives a negative impact on older people's emotional and physical health. The social isolation is detrimental because they do not have anyone to rely on, and they need to look after themselves even when they are ill. This is a significant issue because elders are generally frail, and they usually have co-existing medical conditions. For instance, 60 % of the elderly in Japan are living alone and most of them cannot afford to have support services such as cleaning and preparing meals. Thus, the lack of social support leads to loneliness and worsening of their overall health. In order to solve these issues, the government should take some actions, otherwise, the situation will only worsen. Firstly, some of the elderly are financially disadvantaged; therefore, they require monetary aid so that they can access to necessary services such as medical and personal support. Secondly, local communities should organise some activities and gathering for the locals so that older people can make friends and maintain social relationships within their community. This will prevent them from being alone and feel lonely, simultaneously, improve their overall health by supplementing their health and emotional needs. In conclusion, the elderly's health is influenced by the lack of support and social interaction; hence, the government should provide some financial aid so that they can access to necessary services. Simultaneously, local communities can organise events in which elders can participate in and have social interaction with others.
In recent years,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
emotional
disturbance and poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
status of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
generation are becoming
increasingly
problematic.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
experts mention that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
emotional
and physical well-being of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
adults is
highly
related to the level of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
interaction they have. This essay aims to discuss the causes of this issue and provide possible solutions.

As
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are living alone without
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
support
from their family and friends, it gives a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
emotional
and physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
isolation is detrimental
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they do not have anyone to rely on, and they need to look after themselves even when they are ill. This is a significant issue
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
elders are
generally
frail, and they
usually
have co-existing medical conditions.
For instance
, 60 % of the elderly in Japan are living alone and most of them cannot afford to have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
support
services such as cleaning and preparing meals.
Thus
, the lack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
support
leads to loneliness and worsening of their
overall
health.

In order to solve these issues, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should take
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
actions,
otherwise
, the situation will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
worsen.
Firstly
,
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
elderly are
financially
disadvantaged;
therefore
, they require monetary aid
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they can access to necessary services such as medical and personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
support
.
Secondly
, local communities should
Possible spelling mistake. 'organise' is British English.
organise
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
activities and gathering for the locals
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
friends and maintain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
relationships within their community. This will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
them from being alone and feel lonely,
simultaneously
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their
overall
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
by supplementing their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
emotional
needs.

In conclusion
, the elderly's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
is influenced
by the lack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
support
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
interaction;
hence
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should provide
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
financial aid
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they can access to necessary services.
Simultaneously
, local communities can
Possible spelling mistake. 'organise' is British English.
organise
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
in which elders can participate in and have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
interaction with others.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Experts say that older people stay healthy when they spend time with others. nowadays older people experience loneliness and poor health conditions. what are the causes of this and suggest some solutions v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
308 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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