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Do you agree or disagree that famous should set a good example for Young people

that famous should set a good example for Young people jR1rN
Famous people have the power to create a deep mark in an entire generation. If I were forced to choose, I would definitely agree that famous people must represent an adequate example for children. It is my firm belief that celebrities have a certain power over people, due the fact that they are famous and represents an idea of life most people desire to have. Young people, specially children at the early stages of life are still developing their personality. It is in this stage that they are starting to see the world by their own eyes, which means, that normally they do not any type of power to block certain information that reach on them. I have to admit that my opinion on this matter, has been profoundly influenced by my own personal experience. You see, my grandfather used to smoke and he told me that everyone in his childhood used to smoke cigarettes as well. His parents, Family, friends and even television idols smoked at that time. As a result, he started to smoke when he was just a child because it made him fell cool, popular, and rebel just like those same celebrities from the television. We are currently living in the digital era, which make it easier for us be in touch with celebrities and being able to interact with their lives. People tends to admire those who had achieved success, wealth and status, which is basically what constitutes a famous person. Due to this fact, most famous are considered as “digital influencers”, once their posts can reach millions of people. For this reason some brands pays for them to use a certain type of product or clothes, in order to sway people into buying that specific brand. Drawing from my own experience, when I was a child I was fascinated by Ayrton Senna. I used to beg for my parents to buy everything I could find with his famous “AS” logo, in this way I used to have simple items such as a pencil case, and expensive ones like his drowning suitcase. It is certainly clear to see how celebrities can influence our lives. In light of the above mentioned reasons, I strongly believe that famous people must set a good example for young people, due the fact children are easily manipulated and that people sees them as a model.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have the power to create a deep mark in an entire generation. If I
were forced
to choose, I would definitely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
represent an adequate example for children. It is my firm belief that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
have a certain power over
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, due the fact that they are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
and represents an
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of life most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
desire to have.

Young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
specially
children at the early stages of life are
still
developing their personality. It is in this stage that they are starting to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
the world by their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
eyes, which means, that
normally
they do not any type of power to block certain information that reach on them. I
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
admit that my opinion on this matter, has been
profoundly
influenced by my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
personal experience. You
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
, my grandfather
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
smoke and
he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
told
me that everyone in his childhood
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to smoke cigarettes
as well
. His parents, Family,
You should probably use "friend".
friends
and even television idols smoked at that time.
As a result
, he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
to smoke when he was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
a child
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it made him fell cool, popular, and rebel
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
like those same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
from the television.

We are
currently
living in the digital era, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it easier for us be in touch with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
and being able to interact with their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
tends
to admire those who had achieved success, wealth and status, which is
basically
what constitutes a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
person. Due to this fact, most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
are considered
as “digital influencers”, once their posts can reach millions of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
For this reason
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
brands pays for them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
a certain type of product or clothes, in order to sway
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
into buying that specific brand. Drawing from my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
experience, when I was a child I
was fascinated
by
Possible spelling mistake found.
Ayrton
Senna. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to beg for my parents to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
everything I could find with his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
“AS” logo, in this way I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to have simple items such as a pencil case, and expensive ones like his drowning suitcase. It is
certainly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
how
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
can influence our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.

In light of the above mentioned reasons, I
strongly
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
set a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
example for young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, due the fact children are
easily
manipulated and that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
sees
them as a model.
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IELTS essay that famous should set a good example for Young people

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
395 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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