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Which of the following classes should all high school students take cook financial management fixing a car

Which of the following classes should all high school students take cook financial management fixing a car lj1VQ
People often possess different perspectives on what class high school students should take. Some argue that high school students should take a cooking class, others a financial management class, and still others an auto repair class. For me, I state that high school students should take a cooking class because of health, social life, and money. First of all, students care about their health, and taking a cooking class can improve their health. Take my friend, Jack, for example. He could not eat too much salt because he had high blood pressure since he was a high school student. After taking the cooking class, Jack knew how to prepare his meals without salt every day, so he ate less salt. As a result, his blood pressure became normal again. On the other hand, if he took the financial management class, he might want to save money by eating junk food; however, lots of salt in the junk food would increase his blood pressure. Secondly, high school students enjoy the social life, and taking a cooking class can enrich students' social life. For example, if high school students take a cooking class, they would have to practice what they learn. At this time, they can invite their friends to their home, and enjoy the food they cooked. Therefore, they can have fun with their friends at the same time. On the contrary, if students have the auto repair class, their friends would refuse to fix cars with them because fixing car would make their friends’ clothes be very dirty. Last but not least, high school students place emphasis on money, and taking the cooking class can help students save money. For instance, if students want to make pizza by themselves, they may spend only one hundred dollars to buy the vegetables, meats and the flour. After cooking, they can enjoy the delicious pizza, which is sold five hundred dollars in the restaurant. In other words, they can save four hundred dollars. On the other hand, if students take the auto repair class, they have to spend lots of money to buy tools, such as span and hammer because they need the tools to fix cars. In sum, high school students should take a cooking class. After all, students care about their health, social life and money, and taking a cooking class can help them to be healthy, have better social life, and save money.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
possess
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
perspectives on what
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
should take.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
should take a cooking
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
, others a financial management
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
, and
still
others an auto repair
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
. For me, I state that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
should take a cooking
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, and money.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
care about their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
, and taking a cooking
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
. Take my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friend
, Jack,
for example
. He could not eat too much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salt
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
he had
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
blood pressure since he was a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
. After taking the cooking
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
, Jack knew how to prepare his meals without
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salt
every day,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
he ate less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salt
.
As a result
, his blood pressure became normal again. On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, if he took the financial management
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
, he might want to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
save
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
by eating junk food;
however
, lots of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salt
in the junk food would increase his blood pressure.

Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
enjoy the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, and taking a cooking
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
can enrich students'
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
For example
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
take a cooking
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
, they would
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
practice what they learn. At this time, they can invite their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
to their home, and enjoy the food they cooked.
Therefore
, they can have fun with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
at the same time.
On the contrary
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
have the auto repair
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
, their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
would refuse to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fix
cars with them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
fixing car would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends’
clothes be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
dirty.

Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not least,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
place emphasis on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
, and taking the cooking
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
save
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
For instance
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
pizza by themselves, they may spend
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
one hundred dollars to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
the vegetables, meats and the flour. After cooking, they can enjoy the delicious pizza, which
is sold
five hundred dollars in the restaurant. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words, they can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
save
four hundred dollars. On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
take the auto repair
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
spend lots of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
tools, such as span and hammer
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they need the tools to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fix
cars.

In sum,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
should take a cooking
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
.
After all
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
care about their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
, and taking a cooking
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to be healthy, have better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
save
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
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IELTS essay Which of the following classes should all high school students take cook financial management fixing a car

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
403 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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