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Do you agree or disagree with this statement that families are as close as they used to be

that families are as close as they used to be R2qO8
These days, every person is terribly busy with their wake specially parents. moreover this essay will discuss about the children who are brought up by their grandparents. First of all, in the past most of the mother stayed at home for looking after their children but nowadays this trend has been changed because of the cost of living for for instant school fees of children are increasing day by day. Moreover one man cannot tackle the whole family expenses so both mother and father have to go to work there after there is nobody to look after their children so their children go and the under the grand parents so children depend on them. On the other hand, grandparents give more freedom to their grandchildren. moreover, they cannot control the children because they are old in addition, grandparents cannot see what children are doing as their parents when children started to go in various various wrong ways owing n to lack of parents love and care we cannot point out that these all grandparents carelessness. All this problem take a place due to their parents poor care so children are affected by this activity yet, parents should save the time to spend with their children. furthermore, children should be under their parents. To sum up, every parent should have great responsibility to look after their children and spend more time with them. to guide them in the right track to make them ideal citizens of a nation.
These days, every person is
terribly
busy with their wake
specially
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
moreover
this essay will
Did you mean simply "discuss the"? You do not need the word "about" here.
discuss about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who
are brought
up by their grandparents.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, in the past most of the mother stayed at home for looking after their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
nowadays this trend has been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the cost of living
Possible typo: you repeated a word
for for
instant school fees of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are increasing day by day.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Moreover
one
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
cannot tackle the whole family expenses
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
both mother and father
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
go to work there after there is nobody to look after their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
go and the under the grand
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
depend on them.

On the other hand
, grandparents give more freedom to their grandchildren.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
moreover
, they cannot control the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
in addition
, grandparents cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
what
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are doing as their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
to go in
Possible typo: you repeated a word
various various
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
ways owing n to lack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
and care we cannot point out that these all
Possible typo: apostrophe is missing. Did you mean "grandparents'" or "grandparent's"?
grandparents
carelessness. All this problem take a place due to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
poor care
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
by this activity
yet
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should save the time to spend with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should be under their parents.

To sum up, every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent
should have great responsibility to look after their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and spend more time with them.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
to
guide them in the right
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
track
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them ideal citizens of a nation.
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IELTS essay that families are as close as they used to be

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
247 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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