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Do you agree or disagree that computer games are harmful for children

that computer games are harmful for children RN0aY
Playing for children is very substantial because they can learn many things by playing, even it's a proper way to teaching children but along with all of the game kinds isn't accepted by councilors and sociologists. One of the common games in between children is computer game. Someone think playing computer games is a waste of time and someone have opposite idea. I think it can have advantage and disadvantages. I will state my idea in follow: Firstly the detrimental effects of destruction computer games on children are most important disadvantages computer hobbies. Some games and applications of computer have improper result for children such as: war games. These games make aggressive and contentious mood for them. Not only these habits are annoying for their family, but also these are perfectly contagious and easily it is distributed among other children who are close relative with. On the other hand, every technology is created with aim service to humanity so and inventing of computer has played significant role in human progress. Even it can be useful for children. For instance, children are encouraged by means of training games and educational help applications more than before. In result teaching space become more appealing and handy for them, including educational application for mathematical which is very common and according my experience is very useful. Consequently, I firmly believe advantage and disadvantage of every technology are related to users invents. Correct using of technologies make which become beneficial and functional, on the other hand, misuse of technology make to become applicable. Saray Denizi: Based on my experience at bachelore degree course I preffer to study less and get full night sleep for two reason. At the first because of lack of sleep makes to decrease focuse and tranquility as a result it is very conceivable that persons get to stress which it's one of the most important agents decreas recovery of mind people. on the other hand and at the second awakening night not only don't make to learn new matter but also it dismantls prior training which has inversion effects for students. Thats why I think get full night sleep is better.
Playing for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
substantial
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they can learn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
things by playing, even it's a proper way to teaching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
along with
Consider using "all the".
all of the
game kinds isn't
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
by councilors and sociologists. One of the common
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
in between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
is computer game. Someone
The pronoun 'Someone' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "thinks", "thought".
think
playing computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
is a waste of time and someone
The pronoun 'someone' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "has", "had".
have
opposite
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it can have advantage and disadvantages. I will state my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
in follow:

Firstly
the detrimental effects of destruction computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are
Did you mean "the most"?
most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
Apostrophe might be missing. Did you mean "disadvantages'" or "disadvantage's"?
disadvantages
computer hobbies.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
and applications of computer have improper result for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
such as: war
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
aggressive and contentious mood for them. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
these habits are annoying for their family,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
these are
perfectly
contagious and
easily
it
is distributed
among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who are close relative with.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
is created
with aim service to humanity
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
and inventing of computer has played significant role in human progress. Even it can be useful for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are encouraged
by means of training
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
and educational
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
applications more than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
. In result teaching space become more appealing and handy for them, including educational application for mathematical which is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
common and
It appears that a preposition is missing after 'according'.
according my
experience is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
useful.

Consequently
, I
firmly
believe advantage and disadvantage of every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
are related
to users invents.

Correct using of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technologies
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
which become beneficial and functional, on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, misuse of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
to become applicable.

Possible spelling mistake found.
Saray
Possible spelling mistake found.
Denizi
:

Based on my experience at
Possible spelling mistake found.
bachelore
degree course I
Possible spelling mistake found.
preffer
to study less and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
full night sleep for two reason. At the
first
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of lack of sleep
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
to decrease
Possible spelling mistake found.
focuse
and tranquility
as a result
it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
conceivable that persons
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
which it's one of the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
agents
Possible spelling mistake found.
decreas
recovery of mind
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
on
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand and at the second awakening night not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
don't
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
to learn new matter
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
it
Possible spelling mistake found.
dismantls
prior training which has inversion effects for students.
Possible spelling mistake found
Thats
why I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
full night sleep is better.

IELTS essay that computer games are harmful for children

Essay
  American English
7 paragraphs
359 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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