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Television may have a harmful effect on young people. To what extent do you agree with the statement?

Television may have a harmful effect on young people. kjLYK
By and large, television becomes popular entertainment, and its rapid development has a huge negative impact on children. From my point of view, I totally agree with the idea. First of all, television contains numerous bad programs, so it will make young people more violent. The facts clearly show that television serves various inappropriate scenes like sexual images and showing smoke cigarettes; moreover, the young adult always tries to imitate the program’s characteristics and behaves like them. Consider the example of there are YouTubers who want to gain a lot of likes, thus they are willing to do dangerous, crazy things and encourage the teenager to follow. Clearly, this is a negative aspect of television that no one can deny. In addition, addiction to television shows reduces the amount of mental development in children. Sometimes, they refuse to do anything else but watch television all day. According to the fundamental, watching television is bad for the eyes, this activity can cause eye strain, headaches, and even nearsightedness if watched for too long. Furthermore, a large number of medical experts have assumed that high levels of radiation would intensely affect most viewers. Indeed, this example clearly illustrates how harmful television can be for the juvenile. In contrast, opponents of this view may say that television provides young people with plenty of useful information and education. Television helps to upgrade knowledge, it helps children to know the latest trend in the world. However, I firmly believe that the children who watch a lot of television do not have time to play or socialize. TV eats away the time they get to interact with other children in their social circle, which may affect their knowledge and understanding of social interactions and behavior. In a nutshell, it is believed that television is likely causing more detrimental effects like mental development, characteristics, and behaves of young people. Thus, in my opinion, the ideal solution for this could be taken by parents by reducing the usage time of television and spending more time playing with their children.
By and large,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
becomes popular entertainment, and its rapid development has a huge
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. From my point of view, I
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
contains numerous
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
programs,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
more violent. The facts
clearly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
serves various inappropriate scenes like sexual images and showing smoke cigarettes;
moreover
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
adult always tries to imitate the program’s characteristics and behaves like them. Consider the example of there are YouTubers who want to gain
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
likes,
thus
they are willing to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
, crazy things and encourage the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenager
to follow.
Clearly
, this is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
aspect of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
that no one can deny.

In addition
, addiction to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduces
the amount of mental development in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes
, they refuse to do anything else
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
all day. According to the fundamental, watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
for the eyes, this activity can cause eye strain, headaches, and even nearsightedness if
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watched
for too long.
Furthermore
,
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
medical experts have assumed that high levels of radiation would
intensely
affect most viewers.
Indeed
, this example
clearly
illustrates how harmful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
can be for the juvenile.

In contrast
, opponents of this view may say that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
provides
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of useful information and education.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Television
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to upgrade knowledge, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to know the latest trend in the world.
However
, I
firmly
believe that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
do not have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to play or socialize. TV eats away the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to interact with other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in their social circle, which may affect their knowledge and understanding of social interactions and behavior.

In a nutshell, it
is believed
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
is likely causing more detrimental effects like mental development, characteristics, and behaves of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
Thus
, in my opinion, the ideal solution for this could
be taken
by parents by reducing the usage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
and spending more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
playing with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
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IELTS essay Television may have a harmful effect on young people.

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
341 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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