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Television advertising directed towards young children (aged two to five) should not be allowed

Television advertising directed towards young children (aged two to five) should not be allowed We9e
Nowadays, big companies spend a fortune on advertisements which in part involve young children. Some parents believe television advertisements that are directed towards young children should not be allowed. However, others state that television advertisements should not be limited by audiences’ age range. Personally, I think there must be a rule that limits advertisements that target children at their early age. In what follows, I explore the reasons which support my stance. First, by creating advertisements for young children, they tend to spend more time watching television. These days, Parents are busy with their careers and do not have adequate time to dedicate to their children. Hence, they use television programs to educate their children. Thus, young kids watch television more than they should, and since advertisements are attractive, they encourage kids to watch television even more. Second, not all advertisements are appropriate for young children, and consequently, they may develop poor behavior. Young children between two to five years old consist a large portion of television audiences. As a result, many companies try to target this specific age group. And to do so, they may use contents that are inappropriate to them. While they still cannot fully comprehend the differences between good or bad, they are prone to learn behaviors. In conclusion, there should be a law that prevents advertisements that target young children. They force young children to spend more time watching television. Furthermore, such advertisements may not be suitable for young children and expose them to unacceptable behavior.
Nowadays,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
spend a fortune on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
which in part involve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
parents believe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
that
are directed
towards
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should not be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
.
However
, others state that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
should not
be limited
by audiences’ age range.
Personally
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
there
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rule
that limits
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
that target
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
at their early age. In what follows, I explore the reasons which support my stance.

First
, by creating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, they tend to spend more time watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
. These days, Parents are busy with their careers and do not have adequate time to dedicate to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
Hence
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
programs to educate their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
Thus
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
kids
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
more than they should, and since
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
are attractive, they encourage kids to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
even more.

Second, not all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
are appropriate for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, and
consequently
, they may develop poor behavior.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
Use "between" + "and" not "to." Try this: "between two and five".
between two to five
years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
consist a large portion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
audiences.
As a result
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
try to target this specific age group. And to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, they may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
contents that are inappropriate to them. While they
still
cannot
fully
comprehend the differences between
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
, they are prone to learn behaviors.

In conclusion
, there should be a law that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevents
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
that target
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. They force
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to spend more time watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
.
Furthermore
, such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
may not be suitable for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and expose them to unacceptable behavior.
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IELTS essay Television advertising directed towards young children (aged two to five) should not be allowed

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
251 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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