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Televised talent shows have become popular in many societies today. Are these shows a good method of finding talented people, or are they just entertainment?

Televised talent shows have become popular in many societies today. Are these shows a good method of finding talented people, or are they just entertainment? qMEG
Today many talent shows are televised, and a number of people are eager to watch them. These shows are widely known, and not only a good way to entertain but also finding people who are talented. In the modern world, people have a hectic lifestyle, and because of that, they need to relax on weekends. Most people like to spend their spare time sitting in front of a television and watching entertainment shows. Therefore, talent shows can be a good choice due to excitement and amusement. Besides, talent shows are the method to find talented people, particularly someone who does not have any opportunities except talent shows to present their talents. They can prove themselves to numerous people in the cheapest way, and be aware of people’s thoughts and reactions about their talents. Moreover, they can hear viewer’s constructive comments. Consequently, it is possible for them to improve themselves by knowing the strengths and weaknesses of their act. Furthermore, sometimes they can find managers to invest in them. For example, in some cases, they can not be the winner in the talent competition, but owing to their fame, they become more successful than before. I saw people who were not enough rich to work on their talent, and they were not such successful people. However, their lives changed deeply after participating in a talent show, so that many people wanted to be a person similar to them. In addition to finding a talented person and making entertainment, these types of program production have the other goal. They earn lots of money with advertisements. A number of people watch and follow the shows. Accordingly, they can attract ads and sponsors. Resultantly, it makes a high profit for television. In conclusion, even though a talent show is a good method to find talented people and entertain them, it has many benefits for television managers. Personally I reckon that the amount of money that they earn from these shows is the main reason to encourage people to watch these programs, and I firmly regard it as a money maker program.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
talent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shows
are televised
, and a number of
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people
are eager to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
them. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shows
are
widely
known, and not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
way to entertain
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
finding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
are talented
.

In the modern world,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have a hectic lifestyle, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of that, they need to relax on weekends. Most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
like to spend their spare time sitting in front of a television and watching entertainment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shows
.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
talent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shows
can be a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
choice due to excitement and amusement.

Besides
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
talent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shows
are the method to find talented
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
particularly
someone who does not have any opportunities except
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
talent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shows
to present their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
talents
. They can prove themselves to numerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the cheapest way, and be aware of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
thoughts and reactions about their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
talents
.
Moreover
, they can hear viewer’s constructive comments.
Consequently
, it is possible for them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
themselves by knowing the strengths and weaknesses of their act.
Furthermore
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
they can find managers to invest in them.
For example
, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
cases, they can not be the winner in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
talent
competition,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
owing to their fame, they become more successful than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who were not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
rich to work on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
talent
, and they were not such successful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
However
, their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
deeply
after participating in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
talent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
show
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
wanted to be a person similar to them.

In addition
to finding a talented person and making entertainment, these types of program production have the other goal. They earn lots of money with advertisements. A number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
and follow the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shows
.
Accordingly
, they can attract ads and sponsors.
Resultantly
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
a high profit for television.

In conclusion
,
even though
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
talent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
show
is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
method to find talented
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and entertain them, it has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
benefits for television managers.
Personally
I reckon that the amount of money that they earn from these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shows
is the main reason to encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
these programs, and I
firmly
regard it as a money maker program.
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IELTS essay Televised talent shows have become popular in many societies today. Are these shows a good method of finding talented people, or are they just entertainment?

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
347 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
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