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In many countries, children are engaged in some kind of paid work. Some people regard this as completely wrong, while others consider it as valuable work experience, important for learning and taking responsibility.

In many countries, children are engaged in some kind of paid work. Some people regard this as completely wrong, while others consider it as valuable work experience, important for learning and taking responsibility. 8V1x
There is no doubt that these days many businesses tend to accept many employees without good qualifications, promoting numerous children to become interested in having paid work. Some people think that it is completely wrong to provide children with work. While others believe that jobs can support children by giving them worthy experience and letting them understand their responsibility at a small age. In this essay, I am going to discuss both views and draw my personal conclusion. In terms of first side of views, people who completely disagree with children’s occupation in paid work have several opinions. Firstly, children should complete their studies without any disturbance. If children have paid jobs, they might not strive to study hard and obtain high grades. In one research paper, they motioned that there are 70% of children who have paid work do not exert any effort in schools. The main reason given to support this claim was that most kids believe that money is enough to live a luxurious life. Besides, children think that they can get into professional careers in the future after they have gained experience from their paid jobs. Another opinion it that, children might come to know about new bad friends, who work with them in the same job, and these friends might be able to affect their behavior negatively. However, paid jobs play a pivotal role in the development and personality formation of children. To illustrate, children with jobs might be stricter about time because they may always be afraid of losing attendance. So, they are going to learn time management to prevent their salaries from getting reduced. in addition, while working, children are going to take the responsibility for many issues. Thus, in the future, they become experts in taking responsibility for their children and homes. Moreover, they might have compassion for their parents. Furthermore, all these statements clear to us why some people are defenders of child labor. In conclusion, child labor in paid work is a controversial issue at this time. In my opinion, I believe that parents have to protect children from getting jobs in these ages due to the negative consequences they might face in the future.
There is no doubt that these days
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
businesses tend to accept
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
employees without
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
qualifications, promoting numerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to become interested in having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
paid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it is completely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
to provide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
. While others believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
can support
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
by giving them worthy experience and letting them understand their responsibility at a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
age. In this essay, I am going to discuss both views and draw my personal conclusion.

In terms of
first
side of views,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who completely disagree with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
occupation in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
paid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
have several opinions.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should complete their studies without any disturbance. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
paid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
, they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
not strive to study
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
and obtain high grades. In one research paper, they motioned that there are 70% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
paid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
do not exert any effort in schools. The main reason
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to support this claim was that most kids believe that money is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
a luxurious life.
Besides
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
into professional careers in the future after they have gained experience from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
paid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
. Another opinion it that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to know about new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
friends, who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
with them in the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
, and these friends
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
be able to affect their behavior
negatively
.

However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
paid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
play a pivotal role in the development and personality formation of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. To illustrate,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
be stricter about time
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they may always be afraid of losing attendance.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, they are going to learn time management to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
their salaries from getting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
in
addition, while working,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are going to take the responsibility for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
issues.
Thus
, in the future, they become experts in taking responsibility for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and homes.
Moreover
, they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
have compassion for their parents.
Furthermore
, all these statements
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
to us why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are defenders of child labor.

In conclusion
, child labor in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
paid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
is a controversial issue at this time. In my opinion, I believe that parents
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
protect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
from getting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
in these ages due to the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
consequences they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
face in the future.
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IELTS essay In many countries, children are engaged in some kind of paid work. Some people regard this as completely wrong, while others consider it as valuable work experience, important for learning and taking responsibility.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
365 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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