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Televised talent show are good

Televised talent show are good aql19
In today world, there are numerous talented people, who could be found easily in a number of ways. One of them, which in my view is the most popular in a number of societies, is through televised talent shows. However, besides the purpose of finding talented ones, TV talent shows could also be really entertaining. I think, all the talent shows are a positively good way to find talented people. The people with talents could come on the shows to show off their abilities, such as singing, dancing, doing magic tricks. . . Also, I think, the talent shows could give all the contestants an extremely good opportunity: they become known to a number of people. After the shows, the contestants could continue to pursue their dreams with fewer obstacles on their ways.
In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
world, there are numerous talented
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, who could
be found
easily
in a number of ways. One of them, which in my view is the most popular in a number of societies, is through televised
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
talent
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shows
.
However
,
besides
the purpose of finding talented ones, TV
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talent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shows
could
also
be
really
entertaining.

I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
, all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
talent
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shows
are a
positively
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
way to find talented
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people
. The
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people
with
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talents
could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shows
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
show
off their abilities, such as singing, dancing, doing magic tricks.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
Also
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
talent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shows
could give all the contestants an
extremely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
opportunity: they become known to a number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. After the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shows
, the contestants could continue to pursue their dreams with fewer obstacles on their ways.
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IELTS essay Televised talent show are good

Essay
  American English
2 paragraphs
133 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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