Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

teenagers spend to much time on electronic gadgets

teenagers spend to much time on electronic gadgets K3Nlk
Nowadays, many teenagers are affected by electronic gadgets, mainly, the problem is spending too much time in front of their screens. I strongly agree that this issue exists, and may cause severe problems in the future. For instance, visual impairment, brain damage, emotional disorder. Firstly, I think that spending too much time on electronic gadgets may lead to damage of eyesight. Many teenagers spend time on their gadgets not because they need to, but rather because they want to. That reason has caused teenagers' eyesight to worsen, causing more of them to wear glasses each day, despite their young age. We should start reducing and controlling the time we spend on electronics. For example, track your screen time and set time limits. Secondly, if used too much, electronic gadgets can cause brain damage. It makes our brain lazy, because you can access every information possible, our brain doesn't really need to function, this overreliance on your smartphone can lead to mental laziness. This problem can be solved by not relying on your phone, instead, try new things yourself and do it manually. One way to do this is to train your brain to get better at describing and remembering. Lastly, emotional disorders happen if electronic gadgets are used too much. Anxiety or low self-esteem are correlated with the use of electronics. Such overuse of them may lead to ADHD and depression, which can in turn result in mental problems. It would make it hard for teenagers to focus and get more immersed in their own world. Therefore, adolescents should be carefully monitored when they show signs of addiction to electronic gadgets to prevent further problems. In conclusion, teenagers have spent too much time on electronic gadgets, we should prevent them before the issue worsens. We can use many different ways to deal with each problem respectively. Do not give up, the beginning is always the hardest
Nowadays,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
electronic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gadgets
,
mainly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
is

spending too
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in front of their screens. I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that this issue exists,

and may cause severe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
in the future.
For instance
, visual impairment, brain

damage, emotional disorder.

Firstly
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that spending too
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
electronic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gadgets
may lead to
The usual collocation for word "damage" is "to" not "of." Revise: "damage to".
damage of


eyesight.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gadgets
not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they need to,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but


rather
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they want to. That reason has caused
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
' eyesight to worsen,

causing more of them to wear glasses each day, despite their young age. We should

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
reducing and controlling the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
we spend on electronics.
For example
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
track
your

screen
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and set
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
limits.

Secondly
, if
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
too
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
much
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
electronic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gadgets
can cause brain damage. It
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
our

brain lazy,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
you can access every information possible, our brain doesn't
really


need to function, this
Possible spelling mistake found.
overreliance
on your smartphone can lead to mental laziness. This

problem can
be solved
by not relying on your phone,
instead
, try new things yourself

and do it
manually
. One way to do this is to train your brain to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
better at describing

and remembering.

Lastly
, emotional disorders happen if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
electronic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gadgets
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
too
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
much
. Anxiety or

low self-esteem
are correlated
with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of electronics. Such overuse of them may

lead to ADHD and depression, which can in turn result in mental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
. It would

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
to focus and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
more immersed in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
world.

Therefore
, adolescents should be
carefully
monitored when they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
signs of

addiction to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
electronic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gadgets
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
further
problems.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
have spent too
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
electronic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gadgets
, we should

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
the issue worsens. We can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
ways to deal with

each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
respectively
. Do not give up, the beginning is always the
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
hardest
What do you think?
  • This is funny writingFunny
  • I love this writingLove
  • This writing has blown my mindWow
  • It made me angryAngry
  • It made me sadSad

IELTS essay teenagers spend to much time on electronic gadgets

Essay
  American English
8 paragraphs
315 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Recent posts





Get more results for topic:
  • teenagers spend to much time on electronic gadgets