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Some people think it's better women can join army navy and Air forces. Give advantages and disadvantages of this

Some people think it's better women can join army navy and Air forces. Give advantages and disadvantages of this kYW02
Nowadays, we can see most of women are educated than men and also both women are like to do an adventures works. For an example, there are so many boys doing culinary arts and most of the girls try to new things like driving highway busses. So joining the military is also like that. The first advantage of this is, we can grow the humanity to the world, by joining them to military forces. Most people in the world, think that military persons are Tuff than normal persons. So we can break this by joining n women for the military and also, we can give a stimulation for boys to join the military forces from this. When the soldiers are conducting medical camps, we can involve women for doing it clearly and correctly. So the people who visiting the camp aren't face any difficulties because, women can easily contact with people. By joining women to the military forces we can do nice perrades with these military women. It will be a new experience for all of us. These are the advantages of join women for military works. The disadvantages of this are women can't bear the Tuff practises which did in the military society. Also, if they have to go to a war situation, they can't manage it well as men and also its too difficult to wear heavy uniforms like male soldiers. In according to my view it's better the women can join military forces because, then we can grow humanity to the world than now.
Nowadays, we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
most of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
are educated
than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
and
also
both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
are like to do an adventures works. For an example, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
boys doing culinary arts and most of the girls try to new things like driving highway busses.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
joining
the military is
also
like that. The
first
advantage of this is, we can grow the humanity to the world, by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
joining
them to military
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
forces
. Most
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in the world,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that military persons are
Possible spelling mistake found.
Tuff
than normal persons.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
we can break this by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
joining
n
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
for the military and
also
, we can give a stimulation for boys to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
the military
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
forces
from this.

When the soldiers are conducting medical camps, we can involve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
for doing it
clearly
and
correctly
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who visiting the camp aren't face any difficulties
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
can
easily
contact with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

By
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
joining
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
to the military
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
forces
we can do nice
Possible spelling mistake found.
perrades
with these military
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
. It will be a new experience for all of us.

These are the advantages of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
for military works.

The disadvantages of this are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
can't bear the
Possible spelling mistake found.
Tuff
Possible spelling mistake. 'practises' is British English.
practises
which did in the military society.
Also
, if they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
go to a war situation, they can't manage it well as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
and
also
Did you mean "it's" (="it is") instead of 'its' (possessive pronoun)?
its
too difficult to wear heavy uniforms like male soldiers.

In according to my view it's better the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
military
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
forces
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, then we can grow humanity to the world than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
.
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IELTS essay Some people think it's better women can join army navy and Air forces. Give advantages and disadvantages of this

Essay
  American English
7 paragraphs
257 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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