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Do you agree or disagree? People spend too much time doing things they enjoy rather than things they should do

People spend too much time doing things they enjoy rather than things they should do ljLG9
In modern life, people have to make great efforts to achieve spending some time in personal enjoyment. Work and studying are every thay more competitive, leaving less and less time for people to make the activities they like. In the first place, students who pretend to have a successful life after University, are supposed to graduate with the best scores so that they will be hired by the best companies. And as this professional opportunities are not unlimited, a lot of competition is created between the students. So living in this very competitive environment, this young people have very few time left to spend on personal enjoyment. My own experience is a good example of what I mean. When I was a student, I was very enthusiastic about working in diplomacy, but I had to make very hard tests if I wanted to enter into this career. And because of this pressure, despite I have always enjoyed to practice sports, during my student years I did not practice any sports. As I spent all of my available time for studying. Secondly, professional life as an adult will push most of the people tu do things they should do instead of things they enjoy. Adult life responsibilities are responsible for this decrease in quality time. A very close friend of mine, Tom, runs an important company with offshore operations and thousands of employees. He is a very successful businessman and has a great economic situation. Nevertheless, he spends most of the time working or in business trips. And he has no time left to spend with his family and enjoy good moments. On the other hand, my friend George, has a regular work at food manufacturing company and is not a wealthy person. But George spends many hours a day with his sons. He help them with their school assignment and make many trips together with them. Due to this quality time that George spends every day with his sons, he achieve to be a happier than Tom. In conclusion, people’s objective in life is to be happy. And for achieving this aim they should spend as much time as possible on personal enjoyment. And since the objective is to be happy, I disagree with the idea that people should spend more time doing things they should do.
In modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
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make
great efforts to achieve spending
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in personal enjoyment. Work and studying are every
Possible spelling mistake found.
thay
more competitive, leaving less and less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
the activities they like. In the
first
place,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who pretend to have a successful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
after University,
are supposed
to graduate with the best scores
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they will
be hired
by the best
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
. And as this professional opportunities are not unlimited,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
competition
is created
between the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
living in this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
competitive environment, this young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
on personal enjoyment. My
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
experience is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
example of what I mean. When I was a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
, I was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
enthusiastic about working in diplomacy,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I had to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tests
if I wanted to enter into this career. And
because of this
pressure, despite I have always enjoyed to practice sports, during my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
years I did not practice any sports. As I spent all of my available
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for studying.
Secondly
, professional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
as an adult will push most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
Possible spelling mistake found.
tu
do things they should do
instead
of things they enjoy. Adult
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
responsibilities are responsible for this decrease in quality
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. A
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
close friend of mine, Tom, runs an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
with offshore operations and thousands of employees. He is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
successful businessman and has a great economic situation.
Nevertheless
, he
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spends
most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
working or in business trips. And he has no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
with his family and enjoy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
moments.
On the other hand
, my friend George, has a regular work at food manufacturing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
and is not a wealthy person.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
George
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spends
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
hours a day with his sons. He
The pronoun 'He' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "helps", "helped".
help
them with their school assignment and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
trips together with them. Due to this quality
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
that George
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spends
every day with his sons, he
The pronoun 'he' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "achieves", "achieved".
achieve
to be a happier than Tom.
In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
objective in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
is to be happy. And for achieving this aim they should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
as much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
as possible on personal enjoyment. And since the objective is to be happy, I disagree with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
doing things they should do.
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IELTS essay People spend too much time doing things they enjoy rather than things they should do

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
387 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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