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Teenagers should be encouraged to work part-time. Discuss both sides and provide your own opinion.

Acquiring a job provides income for people. Should students work for a small amount of time? In my opinion, although part-time jobs benefit school pupils’ future career development, students should also have the option to say no. On the one hand, working part-time jobs assists teenagers to embark on their careers. Obtaining a decent job is the primary goal for most graduates. Meanwhile, acquirng a desired job requires not only academic achivements, but also ample experience. However, school children spend tremendous time learning traditional subjects, which marjorly attributes to achive educational success rather than social skills. Therefore, if students can accumulate work experience from part-time works, they will be more competitive peers who lack relevant social experience. On the other hand, refusing to take part-time positions should be allowable for teenagers. As students have to shoulder onerous academic workloads, it is reasonable for them to relax in their spare time. Despite part-time works only require school pupils to work for limited shifts, however, a short work schedule might also bring extra stress to students. Experiencing tremendous pressure from both school studies and temporary works will result in detrimental impacts on children’s mental health. In contrast, if students can enjoy physical activities than working in their free time, concerns for children’s mental health could be relieved in a way. In conclusion, depsite taking part-time jobs help teenagers accumulate work experience for getting a good job
Acquiring a
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job
provides income for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. Should
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students
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work
for a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
amount of
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time
? In my opinion, although part-time
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jobs
benefit
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school
pupils’ future career development,
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students
should
also
have the option to say no.

On the one hand, working part-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
assists
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
to embark on their careers. Obtaining a decent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
is the primary goal for most graduates. Meanwhile,
Possible spelling mistake found.
acquirng
a desired
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job
requires not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
academic
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achivements
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
ample experience.
However
,
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school
children spend tremendous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
learning traditional subjects, which
Possible spelling mistake found.
marjorly
attributes to
Possible spelling mistake found.
achive
educational success
rather
than social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
Therefore
, if
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students
can accumulate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
experience from part-time works, they will be more competitive peers who lack relevant social experience.

On the other hand
, refusing to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
-time positions should be allowable for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
.

As
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students
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
shoulder onerous academic workloads, it is reasonable for them to relax in their spare
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time
. Despite part-time works
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
require
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
pupils to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
for limited shifts,
however
, a short
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
schedule might
also
bring extra
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
. Experiencing tremendous pressure from both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
studies and temporary works will result in detrimental impacts on children’s mental health.
In contrast
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can enjoy physical activities than working in their free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, concerns for children’s mental health could
be relieved
in a way.

In conclusion
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
depsite
taking part-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
accumulate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
experience for getting a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
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IELTS essay Teenagers should be encouraged to work part-time.

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
233 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
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  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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