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Teenagers in some nations work at jobs while they are still in school. Do you think it is a good idea for students to have jobs ? Use specific examples and reasons to explain your answer

Teenagers in some nations work at jobs while they are still in school. Do you think it is a good idea for students to have jobs? Use specific examples and reasons to explain your answer Wympk
Nowdays, some students work along with studies. In some countries, its common practice to start working from an early age. Although, this tendency may lead to some consequences to their health, some start working from young age. First and foremost, being occupied with work is good uage of extra time for students. Secondly, it teach them taking more responsibility, managing finances and time management. Moreover, an additional source of income reduces the burden the monetary burden from their family. In addition to this, jobs open new doors to connect and network with new people. Also, it help learn youngsters the value of money from young age. To illustrate, when they work hard to purcahse something, they plan and budget it before hand. On the other hand, working while studying has its de-merits too. To commence with, it can distract students from their studies. For example, some teenagers leave their studies in order to earn more money early which can have adverse effects later in life. Furthermore, an added pressure of handling both study and work at same time, can lead to various mental and physical health issues from an early age. Also, working students have less or no time for recreational activities. To sum up, working along with studies certainly help teenagers to build a foundation for life. At the same time its important for children to enjoy and experience their youth.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Nowdays
,
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some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
along with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
. In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
countries, its common practice to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
from an early age. Although, this tendency may lead to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
The usual preposition to use after "consequences" is not "to". Did you mean "consequences of", "consequences for", or "consequences on"?
consequences to
their health,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
from young age.

First
and foremost,
being occupied
with
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work
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
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uage
of extra
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
.
Secondly
, it
Did you mean "teaches"?
teach
them taking more responsibility, managing finances and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
management.
Moreover
, an additional source of income
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduces
the burden the monetary burden from their family.
In addition
to this, jobs open new doors to connect and network with new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
Also
, it
Did you mean "helps"?
help
learn youngsters the value of money from young age. To illustrate, when they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to
Possible spelling mistake found.
purcahse
something, they plan and budget it
Did you mean "beforehand"?
before hand
.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
while studying has its
Possible spelling mistake found.
de-merits
too. To commence with, it can distract
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
in order to earn more money early which can have adverse effects later in life.
Furthermore
, an
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
added
pressure of handling both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
at same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, can lead to various mental and physical health issues from an early age.
Also
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
have less or no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for recreational activities.

To sum up,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
along with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
certainly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
to build a foundation for life. At the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
its
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for children to enjoy and experience their youth.
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IELTS essay Teenagers in some nations work at jobs while they are still in school. Do you think it is a good idea for students to have jobs? Use specific examples and reasons to explain your answer

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
232 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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