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Teenagers in some nations work at jobs while they are still in school. Discuss the advantage and disadvantages of teenagers doing part time job

Teenagers in some nations work at jobs while they are still in school. Discuss the advantage and disadvantages of teenagers doing part time job LL3RG
The youth in certain countries do part time jobs while they are still at schools. There are many pros and cons for this tendency which is discussed in this essay. First of all doing part time jobs will contribute to the financial independence of students. To explain, the students can earn while learning which will be an additional income to the family if there is only a single earning hand in family. Moreover, students can use this earning to pay off many expenses such as tuition fees, daily bus fairs, buying books, journals and so on. For example the students studying abroad do part time jobs to pay their tuition fees and living expenses. Therefore, financial independence is the major advantage of doing part time jobs while learning at schools. Secondly, students can have valuable work experience in their careers. In detail, the students spending their leisure time on part-time jobs will be an added advantage to their cariculum vitae. They will gain many benefits such as time management, discipline and workplace ethics which will surely help them when they enter into a real corporate environment. For example, one of my cousin does photography as a part time job when is is studying abroad. Now he is an eminent photographer there. So part time jobs will help to acquire work experience to a great extent. On the other hand, part time jobs have its own disadvantages too. Firstly, the money which is acquired can be misused by students. To explain, the earnings can be used for buying drugs or consuming alcohol which will adversely affect the career and development of students. Also, it will landed up in unhealthy habits and bad company. For instance as per the research conducted in Cambridge University, 30% of earnings from part time jobs have been spent on alcohol consumption by students staying and studying in the United Kingdom. Therefore it can adversily affect the advancement of students. Secondly, part time jobs will affect the studies of students. Because of their hectic schedule on studies and work, they are unable to find time on studies and hence will affect on marks. Moreover, they feel tired and sleepy after their part time jobs so daily studies and homework activities cannot be fulfilled by students. Hence this will make them in troubles. In short teenagers can contribute to work experience and financial independence while doing part time jobs but it can be negatively used by students hence their studies get affected.
The youth in certain countries do
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part
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time
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jobs
while they are
still
at schools. There are
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many
pros and cons for this tendency which
is discussed
in this essay.
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First of all
doing
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part
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time
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jobs
will contribute to the financial independence of
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students
. To
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explain
, the
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students
can earn while learning which will be an additional income to the family if there is
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only
a single
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earning
hand in family.
Moreover
,
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students
can
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use
this
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earning
to pay off
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many
expenses such as tuition fees, daily bus fairs, buying books, journals and
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so
on.
For example
the
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students
studying abroad do
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part
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
to pay their tuition fees and living expenses.
Therefore
, financial independence is the major advantage of doing
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part
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
while learning at schools.
Secondly
,
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students
can have valuable
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work
experience in their careers. In detail, the
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students
spending their leisure
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time
on part-time
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jobs
will be an
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
added
advantage to their
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cariculum
vitae. They will gain
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
benefits such as
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time
management, discipline and workplace ethics which will
surely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them when they enter into a real corporate environment.
For example
, one of my cousin does photography as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
part
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
when
Possible typo: you repeated a word
is is
studying abroad.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
he is an eminent photographer there.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
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part
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to acquire
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work
experience to a great extent.
On the other hand
,
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part
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time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
have its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
disadvantages too.
Firstly
, the money which
is acquired
can
be misused
by
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students
. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
earnings
can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for buying drugs or consuming alcohol which will
adversely
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affect
the career and development of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
.
Also
, it will
The verb 'will' requires the base form of the verb: "land"
landed
up in unhealthy habits and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
.
For instance
as per the research conducted in Cambridge University, 30% of
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earnings
from
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part
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
have
been spent
on alcohol consumption by
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students
staying and studying in the United Kingdom.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Therefore
it can
Possible spelling mistake found.
adversily
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affect
the advancement of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
.
Secondly
,
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part
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
will
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affect
the
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studies
of
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students
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
of their hectic schedule on
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studies
and
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work
, they are unable to find
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time
on
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studies
and
hence
will
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affect
on marks.
Moreover
, they feel tired and sleepy after their
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part
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time
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jobs
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so
daily
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studies
and homework activities cannot
be fulfilled
by
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students
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Hence
this will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them in troubles. In short
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
can contribute to
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work
experience and financial independence while doing
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part
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it can be
negatively
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
by
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students
hence
their
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studies
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
.
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IELTS essay Teenagers in some nations work at jobs while they are still in school. Discuss the advantage and disadvantages of teenagers doing part time job

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
414 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
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  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
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  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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