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accept the problems ỏ trying to improve it?

accept the problems ỏ trying to improve it? 30W8n
Numerous people occasionally face the dilemma of circumstances when they must choose between acknowledging reality as is or endeavoring to improve it. While some believe that accepting the situation is the best course of action, I agree wholeheartedly with those who believe that we should make efforts to improve the situation. On the one hand, it is reasonable to suggest that everyone should be content with what life has to offer. Alteration is risky and requires a lot of effort, said adherents of this viewpoint. Embracing unfavorable circumstances can provide people with a greater sense of security, which could also lead to an increase in satisfaction. When a person looks for a new occupation, for example, there is no assurance that the new position would provide them with more delight. Furthermore, under certain extreme scenarios, such as wars or large macroeconomic downturns, it may also be perilous and virtually impossible for an individual to change the circumstances. Nevertheless, I side with those who consider that people should endeavor to move up in life. To begin with, it is clear that individuals who are convinced that there are always approaches to improve their life have contributed to the advancement of the human civilizations. Great innovations such as light bulbs, electricity, computers, and indeed the Internet might not have been conceivable without that kind of enthusiasm. Additionally, the most compelling argument is that individuals can only realize their potential, enhance their skills, and live their lives to the fullest by tackling pressing situation rather than merely accepting them. There have been several instances of entrepreneurs, sportsmen, and scientists from various nations who have achieved extraordinary success as a result of their never-say-die attitude and unrelenting work. As a result, I think that in most cases, the effort to improve difficulties and challenges will then be recognized. In conclusion, while making adjustments can be risky in some circumstances, in the vast majority of cases, not only does it lead to a substantial success, but it also helps individuals recognize their potential and live their lives in a more meaningful way.
Numerous
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
occasionally
face the dilemma of circumstances when they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
choose between acknowledging reality as is or endeavoring to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
improve
it. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
believe that accepting the situation is the best course of action, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
wholeheartedly
with those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
believe that we should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
efforts to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
improve
the situation.

On the one hand, it is reasonable to suggest that everyone should be content with what life
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
offer. Alteration is risky and requires
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
effort, said adherents of this viewpoint. Embracing unfavorable circumstances can provide
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
with a greater sense of security, which could
also
lead to an increase in satisfaction. When a person looks for a new occupation,
for example
, there is no assurance that the new position would provide them with more delight.
Furthermore
, under certain extreme scenarios, such as wars or large macroeconomic downturns, it may
also
be perilous and
virtually
impossible for an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
the circumstances.

Nevertheless
, I side with those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
consider that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
should endeavor to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
up in life. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are convinced
that there are always approaches to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
improve
their life have contributed to the advancement of the human civilizations. Great innovations such as light bulbs, electricity, computers, and
indeed
the Internet might not have been conceivable without that kind of enthusiasm.
Additionally
, the most compelling argument is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
realize their potential, enhance their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
to the fullest by tackling pressing situation
rather
than
merely
accepting them. There have been several instances of entrepreneurs, sportsmen, and scientists from various nations
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
have achieved extraordinary success
as a result
of their never-say-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
die
attitude and unrelenting work.
As a result
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
in most cases
, the effort to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
improve
difficulties and challenges will then
be recognized
.

In conclusion
, while making adjustments can be risky in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
circumstances, in the vast majority of cases, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
does it lead to a substantial success,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
recognize their potential and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
in a more meaningful way.
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IELTS essay accept the problems ỏ trying to improve it?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
347 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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