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Teenagers are committing more crimes? Why? How they should be punished?

Teenagers are committing more crimes? Why? How they should be punished? gAnQl
These days, it is true that the number of youngsters who get involved in criminal behaviours is increasing. While there are compelling reasons for this trend, certain solutions can be considered. On the one hand, there are particular causes for the rise of juvenile crime. Firstly, as the young have easy access to the Internet, they are swayed by inappropriate media, which teach them about violent behaviours. This poses harm to their emotional development and tempts them to commit illegal actions. For example, numerous TV programs encourage aggressive behaviours such as killing, gun-fighting. Consequently, children enjoying these programs will be more inclined to attack if they face problems. Secondly, parents are occupied with work and pay less attention to their children. Therefore, children who do not receive adequate education and supervision from their parents are more likely to be criminals. On the other hand, one of the most obvious solutions to reduce the crime rate among teenagers is that the government should allocate more rehabilitation campaigns to reform offenders. To illustrate, certain teenagers who commit trivial crimes such as pocket-picking should be given an opportunity to retrain. In addition, those who commit serious crimes such as murder should be sentenced to prison regardless of their ages. This creates a law-abiding society which is safer for citizens. In conclusion, 21th century advent a significant rise in crimes among the young. There are many fundamental reasons contributing to this problem, and the government should carry out punishments according to the level of crimes to protect its residents from these.
These days, it is true that the number of youngsters
who
get
involved in criminal
behaviours
is increasing. While there are compelling reasons for this trend, certain solutions can
be considered
.

On the one hand, there are particular causes for the rise of juvenile
crime
.
Firstly
, as the young have easy access to the Internet, they
are swayed
by inappropriate media, which teach them about violent
behaviours
. This poses harm to their emotional development and tempts them to commit illegal actions.
For example
, numerous TV programs encourage aggressive
behaviours
such as killing, gun-fighting.
Consequently
, children enjoying these programs will be more inclined to attack if they face problems.
Secondly
, parents
are occupied
with work and pay less attention to their children.
Therefore
, children
who
do not receive adequate education and supervision from their parents are more likely to be criminals.

On the other hand
, one of the most obvious solutions to
reduce
the
crime
rate among
teenagers
is that the
government
should allocate more rehabilitation campaigns to reform offenders. To illustrate, certain
teenagers
who
commit trivial
crimes
such as pocket-picking should be
given
an opportunity to retrain.
In addition
, those
who
commit serious
crimes
such as murder should
be sentenced
to prison regardless of their ages. This creates a law-abiding society which is safer for citizens.

In conclusion
,
21th
century advent a significant rise in
crimes
among the young. There are
many
fundamental reasons contributing to this problem, and the
government
should carry out punishments according to the level of
crimes
to protect its residents from these.
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IELTS essay Teenagers are committing more crimes? Why? How they should be punished?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
257 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
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  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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