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Technology is very important today. But many people rely on that. How do you think about that?

Technology is very important today. But many people rely on that. How do you think about that? 26n5M
In the modern era, technology has escalated exponentially into one of the most indispensable things to us. Therefore, it plays a crucial role in our daily routine. It includes almost everything in life such as smartphone, laptop, desktop, . . . As you know, everything is always a double-edged sword. By convenient features and appealing entertainment, people, especially teenagers, are using and paying special notice excessively on them regardless of the imminent risk of harm. It can precisely allow you to temporarily escape from reality and live in your virtual world as a typical day. In addition, many physical and mental illnesses can be entirely possible to happen on your body as well as your soul and turn you into another version with contrasting personalities. To terminate its detrimental impacts, adults need to intervene to manage the activities of their children on the internet. The government and public need to oppose vehemently and issue outright bans on offensive webs or information that can convey erroneous consciousness to the young generation.
In the modern era, technology has escalated
exponentially
into one of the most indispensable things to us.
Therefore
, it plays a crucial role in our daily routine. It includes almost everything in life such as smartphone, laptop, desktop
Did you just mean "," or "."?
, .
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
As you know, everything is always a double-edged sword. By convenient features and appealing entertainment,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
,
especially
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
, are using and paying special notice
excessively
on them regardless of the imminent
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of harm. It can
precisely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
you to
temporarily
escape from reality and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in your virtual world as a typical day.
In addition
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
physical and mental illnesses can be
entirely
possible to happen on your body
as well
as your soul and turn you into another version with contrasting personalities. To terminate its detrimental impacts, adults need to intervene to manage the activities of their children on the internet. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
and public need to oppose
vehemently
and issue outright bans on offensive webs or information that can convey erroneous consciousness to the young generation.
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IELTS essay Technology is very important today. But many people rely on that. How do you think about that?

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
170 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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