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Technology instead of art in schools

Technology instead of art in schools 1n3jN
Today’s role of education is deemed to prepare adolescents for the bugeoning new world. Thus, many thinks that subjects such as art and music should not be taught within the curriculum so that pupil can conectrate on more useful subjects like information technology. However, I disagree with that since the world in the future will need creative minds alongside intelligent ones due that AI and robots are conquering industries.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
’s role of education
is deemed
to prepare adolescents for the
Possible spelling mistake found.
bugeoning
new world.
Thus
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thinks
that subjects such as art and music should not
be taught
within the curriculum
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that pupil can
Possible spelling mistake found.
conectrate
on more useful subjects like information technology.
However
, I disagree with that since the world in the future will need creative minds alongside intelligent ones due that AI and robots are conquering industries.

IELTS essay Technology instead of art in schools

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
69 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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