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Technology have negative affects to the cultural lives.

Technology have negative affects to the cultural lives. mLpGq
As the 4th industrial revolution, the internet and new technology are going to make our lives more convenient. This means we are in globalization and for sure, we have to remove some traditional cultural lives. Although of that, we still have our own unique cultural lives even in the technological lives. Admittedly, the more modern technology the easier our lives are. Firstly, thanks to the new technology of 3d printings, we could save more patients who have suffered pain and illness. Printing artificial implants is about to use during surgery widely over the world. Next, with the development of the internet, we have a better understanding of other's emotions, cultures than ever. The internet connects people together, makes new relationships so as to improve our emotions and happiness. But on the other hand, humans have become more dependent on technology. Man no longers need to think or reduced physical activities. Which is contributing to some long-term effects to our healths such as obesity, dementia, insomnia, . . . . . The internet not only affects to our physical health but also makes us have some serious mental problem likes technology addiction or depressed. This can destroy our healths, lives and ruined our family, social relationships. In conclusion, on a way to globalization and the advancement of technology, our valuable traditional culture in some way will be affected by the technology, some parts of our old lifestyle might disappear. However, the technology and internet are a great opportunity for us to approach other cultures while still have our own national identity.
As the 4th industrial revolution, the internet and new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
are going to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
more convenient. This means we are in globalization and for sure, we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
remove
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
traditional cultural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
. Although of that, we
still
have our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
unique cultural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
even in the technological
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.

Admittedly
, the more modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
the easier our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
are.
Firstly
, thanks to the new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
of 3d printings, we could save more patients who have suffered pain and illness. Printing artificial implants is about to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
during surgery
widely
over the world.
Next
, with the development of the internet, we have a better understanding of other's emotions, cultures than ever. The internet connects
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
together,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
new relationships
'So as to' expresses purpose and is used in formal texts. Consider using "to"
so as to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
our emotions and happiness.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
on the other hand
, humans have become more dependent on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Man
no
Possible spelling mistake found.
longers
need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
physical activities. Which is contributing to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
long-term effects to our
Possible spelling mistake found.
healths
such as obesity, dementia, insomnia
Did you just mean "," or "."?
, .
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
The internet not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
affects to our physical health
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
us have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
serious mental problem likes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
addiction or depressed. This can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroy
our
Possible spelling mistake found.
healths
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
and ruined our family, social relationships.

In conclusion
, on a way to globalization and the advancement of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
, our valuable traditional culture in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
way will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
parts of our
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
lifestyle might disappear.
However
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
and internet are a great opportunity for us to approach other cultures while
still
have our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
national identity.
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IELTS essay Technology have negative affects to the cultural lives.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
260 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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