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Technology has facilitated our lives so much and given us a lot of freedom. Some people, however, believe that it has caused more problems for us. What is your opinion?

Technology has facilitated our lives so much and given us a lot of freedom. Some people, however, believe that it has caused more problems for us. What is your opinion? 15dKL
In fact the inventions in technology has brought a number of facilities which have made our living styles easier than ever before. However, some people claim that they often face with problems because of technology developments as well. I think, the opportunities weigh much more than problems of technology in everyday life. Firstly, owing to the invention of mobile phones the communication system has reached its pick. People are able to have conversation while sitting in their house or any place they are. Moreover, internet access via mobile phones has made the use of phones immensely. Now they use the phones not only to talk but also chat in video types with the help of social networks. Secondly, the invention of computers have brought a drastic possibilities in all spheres, especially in accouting and finance. Without the computer appliances a great deal of work would not be done as fast as today. On the other hand, there are a range of drawbacks as well. For example, the development of technology has made people lazy. As it leads in the result of losing health in obtaining various deseases such as obesity, weak eyesight, backache, etc. What is more, the network has carried a number of crimes such as cyber crimes and hacker invades. To sum up, although the listed disadvantages above, the facilities of technology are a paramount sources of ooportunity which help people make both private life and work life comfortabel and reasonable.
In fact the inventions in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has brought a number of facilities which have made our living styles easier than ever
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
claim that they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
face with problems
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
developments
as well
. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
, the opportunities weigh much more than problems of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
in everyday life.
Firstly
, owing to the invention of mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
the communication system has reached its pick.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
are able to have conversation while sitting in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
or any place they are.
Moreover
, internet access via mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
has made the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
immensely
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
to talk
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
chat in video types with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of social networks.

Secondly
, the invention of computers have brought a drastic
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "possibility"?
possibilities
in all spheres,
especially
in
Possible spelling mistake found.
accouting
and finance. Without the computer appliances a great deal of work would not
be done
as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
.
On the other hand
, there are a range of drawbacks
as well
.
For example
, the development of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has made
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
lazy. As it leads in the result of losing health in obtaining various
Possible spelling mistake found.
deseases
such as obesity, weak eyesight, backache, etc.
What is more
, the network has carried a number of crimes such as cyber crimes and hacker invades. To sum up, although the listed disadvantages above, the facilities of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
are a paramount
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "source"?
sources
of
Possible spelling mistake found.
ooportunity
which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
both private life and work life
Possible spelling mistake found.
comfortabel
and reasonable.
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IELTS essay Technology has facilitated our lives so much and given us a lot of freedom. Some people, however, believe that it has caused more problems for us. What is your opinion?

Essay
  American English
2 paragraphs
243 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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