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Although investment in the internet is very important especially by improvement of the technology, the public transportation plays more vital role in both the people's life and society.

Although investment in the internet is very important especially by improvement of the technology, the public transportation plays more vital role in both the people's life and society. RNYjM
Although investment in the internet is very important especially by improvement of the technology, the public transportation plays more vital role in both the people's life and society. I strongly believe that the governments to spend more money to improve public transportation compared to Internet access. I will delve into my reasons in the following paragraphs. First, public transportation is an important issue in progressing the economics of the society. Trading and tourisms industry need an efficient transportation system. For example, by having better and more equipped air lines, there will be more tourism in the country to sightseeing. I always search for a better and safer public transportation in city to move there or visit there. Or by having better shipping or train transportation, more merchants get opportunities to get involve into business and it will flourish the economy of the society. A lot of required commodities will be available for people and if their amount of them increases more, they will be cheaper. It means people will have more ability to buy stuffs and improve the economics of the society. If were not for good public transportation in USA, it would not turn to a most developing country in the world. I mean it is one of important parameters. Second, the transportation system plays a significant role in daily people's life. They should commute to city to go to work, schools or others. A few people can work remote, most of them should the transportation systems like doctors and nurses. If there is not a good transportation systems, some people may have to move to the town near to their work place. We can consider it from different angels. The first effect will be a city with more polluted weather and population which will be bothersome. The second effect will be a more expensive life. There will be a competition for limited resources or job offers. Third, the countryside will be less equipped day by day and their people will be poorer. Because their communication with other area will be limited and it will consequently have other bad side effects. To sum up, it seems to me that improving the transportation system has priority than Internet access because it not only will help people to do their daily work, they can leave in a country with better economic situations.
Although investment
The usual collocation for technology is "on," not "in." It is better to say this: "on the internet".
in the internet
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
especially
by improvement of the technology, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transportation
plays more vital role in both the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's life and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
. I
strongly
believe that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
to spend more money to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transportation
compared to Internet access. I will delve into my reasons in the following paragraphs.

First
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transportation
is an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
issue in progressing the economics of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
. Trading and
Possible spelling mistake found.
tourisms
industry need an efficient
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transportation
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
.
For example
, by having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
and more equipped air lines, there will be more tourism in the country to sightseeing. I always search for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
and safer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transportation
in city to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
there or visit there. Or by having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
shipping or train
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transportation
, more merchants
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
opportunities to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
involve into business and it will flourish the economy of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
A lot of
required commodities will be available for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and if their amount of them increases more, they will be cheaper. It means
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will have more ability to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
stuffs and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the economics of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
. If were not for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transportation
A determiner is probably missing here: "in the USA".
in USA
, it would not turn to a most
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developing country
in the world. I mean it is one of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
parameters.

Second, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transportation
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
plays a significant role in daily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's life. They should commute to city to go to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
, schools or others. A few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
remote, most of them should the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transportation
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
systems
like doctors and nurses. If there is not a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transportation
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
systems
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
may
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
to the town near to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
place. We can consider it from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
angels. The
first
effect will be a city with more polluted weather and population which will be bothersome. The second effect will be a more expensive life. There will be a competition for limited resources or job offers. Third, the countryside will be less equipped day by day and their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will be poorer.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
their communication with other area will
be limited
and it will
consequently
have other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
side effects.

To sum up, it seems to me that improving the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transportation
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
has priority than Internet access
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to do their daily
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
, they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
in a country with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
economic situations.
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IELTS essay Although investment in the internet is very important especially by improvement of the technology, the public transportation plays more vital role in both the people's life and society.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
391 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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