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Technology has always made the world a better place to live? Do you agree/disagree?

Technology has always made the world a better place to live? Do you agree/disagree? 53OVm
An ongoing debate exists as to whether technology has contributed to a better world or not. Saying whether this world has been made better by technology is difficult because it depends on how you interpret ‘a better place’. If I interpret a better place as a world in which one can stay healthy both mentally and physically and enjoy one’s life, I agree with this statement that technology has made the world a better place to live. Benefits that technology has made possible are obvious in this world, and we are now leading a much better life than ever. Especially technological development in IT is remarkable, and we can contact anyone wherever you are. You can send a message to your friend and get a reply from him or her soon. Due to the coronavirus, we have been forced to change the conventional labor system and as a result we have adopted telework (working from home). We don’t have to go out to work anymore and this is possible due to the development of technology. Some people may say that technology is responsible for accidental losses of life. Over the past several hundred years, technology has developed at a surprising rate, and it is true that this has caused some miserable cases of death. If technology had not developed as it really did, nobody would have been killed by traffic accidents. However, lives that were fortunately saved thanks to technology outnumbers lives that were lost by technology. The medical field is one of the most obvious examples, and technology has made great strides in cancer treatment, for example. Once cancer was regarded as an incurable disease, but today it can be treated with proper treatment, which technology has made possible. Moreover, technological systems can be applied to meteorology. 90 percent of natural disasters are said to be weather related, and precise weather forecast increases our possibility to survive natural disasters. In addition, we can easily fast track and report disaster-relief efforts by using the Internet, drones and other devices. In this way, you can easily find examples of technology saving lives that would have been easily lost without it.
An ongoing debate exists
Consider shortening this phrase to just "whether", or rephrase the sentence to avoid "as to".
as to whether
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has contributed to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
or not. Saying whether this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
has
been made
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
is difficult
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it depends on how you interpret ‘a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
place’. If I interpret a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
place as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
in which one can stay healthy both mentally and
physically
and enjoy one’s life, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has made the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
place to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
.

Benefits that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has made possible are obvious in this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
, and we are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
leading a much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
life than ever.
Especially
technological development in IT is remarkable, and we can contact anyone wherever you are. You can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
a message to your friend and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a reply from him or her
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
. Due to the coronavirus, we have
been forced
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
the conventional labor system and
as a result
we have adopted telework (working from home). We don’t
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
go out to work anymore and this is possible due to the development of technology.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
may say that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
is responsible for accidental losses of life. Over the past several hundred years,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has developed at a surprising rate, and it is true that this has caused
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
miserable cases of death. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
had not developed as it
really
did, nobody would have
been killed
by traffic accidents.
However
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
that were
fortunately
saved thanks to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
outnumbers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
that
were lost
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
. The medical field is one of the most obvious examples, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has made great strides in cancer treatment,
for example
. Once cancer
was regarded
as an incurable disease,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
it can
be treated
with proper treatment, which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has made possible.
Moreover
, technological systems can
be applied
to meteorology. 90 percent of natural disasters
are said
to be weather related, and precise weather forecast increases our possibility to survive natural disasters.
In addition
, we can
easily
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
track
and report disaster-relief efforts by using the Internet, drones and other devices. In this way, you can
easily
find examples of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
saving
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
that would have been
easily
lost without it.
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IELTS essay Technology has always made the world a better place to live? Do you agree/disagree?

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
359 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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