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Technologies - good or bad?

Technologies - good or bad? rbbV6
Most people like the technology progress and the benefits it brings us. Nevertheless, before embracing it, we should be aware of its advantages and drawbacks. First of all, technologies make our life easier. Online maps, navigation tools help us while driving. Search engines may answer almost every inquire nowadays. It goes without saying, that we have an untold amount of communication applications that make conversations with our beloved people quick as a blink of an eye. Meanwhile, all of the aforementioned conveniences could hardly be imaginable without never-ending monitoring of our activities. Some people are aware of it, some aren't. Sometimes we might be surprised to notice on the screen an advertisement, which properly matches your recent activity on the internet. My take on this is quite obvious to me. There is no way back, and we are going to live in the world of so-called "monitoring capitalism". If we are brave enough to use smartphones and laptops then we should understand that corporations are tracking our actions every single moment. It would be unwise to prohibit all the gadgets because they are hardly embedded in our lives. We are biorobots in a way because we take our devices wherever we go. We can't consider it bad or good. It is just a reality nowadays, "the new normal". Many years ago, when the first book was published, some people considered it a dangerous thing. Let's not be similar to our ancestors. All the new things follow us to something better in such a scenario. Even though something new may appear as something bad. I want to believe that we will change this monitoring issue soon. I don't know how exactly, but I have some thoughts on this. Firstly, strict rules for megacorporations should be developed. Using personal information in order to sell should be strictly prohibited. There should be developed something like global act on monitoring, which could describe every point related to personal data. Overall people awareness should be increased by social media. All humans should know their rights and responsibilities. To conclude, I would say that I believe in humankind. I think that we can overcome all the issues we face nowadays. We will get through not only the problems with technologies but the others as well.
Most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
like the technology progress and the benefits it brings us.
Nevertheless
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
embracing it, we should be aware of its advantages and drawbacks.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, technologies
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
our life easier. Online maps, navigation tools
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
us while driving. Search engines may answer almost every inquire nowadays. It goes without saying, that we have an untold amount of communication applications that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
conversations with our beloved
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
quick as a blink of an eye.

Meanwhile,
Consider using "all the".
all of the
aforementioned conveniences could hardly be imaginable without never-ending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
monitoring
of our activities.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are aware of it,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
aren't.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes
we might
be surprised
to notice on the screen an advertisement, which
properly
matches your recent activity on the internet.

My take on this is quite obvious to me. There is no way back, and we are going to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in the world of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
-called
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
monitoring capitalism
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
. If we are brave
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
smartphones and laptops then we should understand that corporations are tracking our actions every single moment. It would be unwise to prohibit all the gadgets
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are hardly embedded in our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. We are
Possible spelling mistake found.
biorobots
in a way
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
we take our devices wherever we go. We can't consider it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
a reality nowadays,
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
the new normal
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
years ago, when the
first
book
was published
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
considered it a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
thing.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Let
's not be similar to our ancestors. All the new things follow us to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
something
better in such a scenario.
Even though
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
something
new may appear as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
something
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
.

I want to believe that we will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
monitoring
issue
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
. I don't know how exactly,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
thoughts on this.

Firstly
, strict
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
for
Possible spelling mistake found.
megacorporations
should
be developed
. Using personal information in order to sell should be
strictly
prohibited. There should
be developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
something
like global act on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
monitoring
, which could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
describe
every point related to personal data.
Overall
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
awareness should
be increased
by social media. All humans should know their rights and responsibilities.

To conclude
, I would say that I believe in humankind. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that we can overcome all the issues we face nowadays. We will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
through not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the problems with technologies
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the others
as well
.
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IELTS essay Technologies - good or bad?

Essay
  American English
8 paragraphs
379 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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