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Some people suggest that young people should take a job for a few years between school and

Some people suggest that young people should take a job for a few years between school and e8dr7
Some people believe that teenagers get a job for period of time between school and university. This may be true recommend. There are two advantage of working few years between school and university. First of all If young take a job and work they may support their family with money or they may give some gifts to their familiars. On the other hand young people who have a job value their parents and understand how difficult to support family. In this case they realize responsibility. However to have a job among young people have several disadvantage sides. I think that working between school and university make some barriers young people's studying. These years they should learn a lot of knowledge by heart to enter university and to work effectively in their future job. Next one If young people work they earn some money it may give bad effect their behaviour. Also when they work in period of time they more eager to earn money rather than learning and studying. Boasting may appear in their behaviour. For example If one young person works and earns money this person may boast among other young people with his earnings. All in all in this golden years which between school and university every young person should pay attention to study rather to get a job.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
for period of time between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
. This may be true recommend. There are two advantage of working few years between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
take a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
they may support their family with
Use a comma before 'or' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
money or
they may give
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
gifts to their familiars.
On the other hand
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
value their parents and understand how difficult to support family.
In this case
they realize responsibility.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
to have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have several disadvantage sides. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that working between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
barriers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's studying. These years they should learn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
knowledge by heart to enter
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
and to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
effectively
in their future
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
.
Next
one If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
they earn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
it may give
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
effect their
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Also
when they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in period of time they more eager to earn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
rather
than learning and studying. Boasting may appear in their
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
.
For example
If one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
person works and earns
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
this person may boast among other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with his earnings.
This phrase is duplicated. You should probably leave only "All in".
All in all in
this golden years which between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
person should pay attention to study
rather
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
.
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IELTS essay Some people suggest that young people should take a job for a few years between school and

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
221 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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