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Task 2: Some people think women should play an equal role in the police and military while others think women are less suitable for these roles. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Task 2: Some people think women should play an equal role in the police and military while others think women are less suitable for these roles. 9QBOp
People have different views concerning the equal role of females in certain majors such as the police force and the army, whilst some argue that it is inappropriate for women to work in these fields. Both views will be discussed in this essay and I also give my viewpoint. On the one hand, that occupation relating to the military or police force is extremely physically demanding because the principles of these works concerning battles, weapons transport, and even crime prevention. Therefore, it is considered a hazardous occupation and more suitable for men due to their strong physique, which women do not own. For example, to jump from a two-storey building, men are more powerful than women, and to arrest the criminals, women are not successful as men. Besides, women are often defined who give birth and to be a housekeeper, if they participate in the military, there is no one to take care of their children and do the household management. On the other hand, for some reasons, there is a possibility that not all males want to be soldiers and vice versa. Numerous females desire to become female militants and women police, and it is such a noble desire that we should respect. Perhaps they wish to defend their family and their country, or they admire the soldiers in the military uniforms and strive to be like them. For instance, during the historical period, several people resisted and sacrificed to eliminate invaders and achieve freedom, and many of them were heroines. Moreover, it is increasingly women who are in constabulary and police force obtain more relevant expertise and high qualifications than men do. Hence, females also have the ability to afford these strenuous jobs and it is remarkable of the value that they created, regardless of gender. In conclusion, both views have their own strong arguments, however, I personally feel that both male and female gender should have equal employment opportunities because each gender has its feature that could support each other to accomplish harmony at work.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
views concerning the equal role of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
in certain majors such as the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
police
force and the army, whilst
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
argue that it is inappropriate for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
to work in these fields. Both views will
be discussed
in this essay and I
also
give my viewpoint.

On the one hand, that occupation relating to the military or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
police
force is
extremely
physically
demanding
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the principles of these works concerning battles, weapons transport, and even crime prevention.
Therefore
, it
is considered
a hazardous occupation and more suitable for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
due to their strong physique, which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
.
For example
, to jump from a
Possible spelling mistake found.
two-storey
building,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
are more powerful than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
, and to arrest the criminals,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
are not successful as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
.
Besides
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
defined who give birth and to be a housekeeper, if they participate in the military, there is no one to take care of their children and do the household management.

On the other hand
, for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reasons, there is a possibility that not all males want to be soldiers and vice versa. Numerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
desire to become
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
militants and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
police
, and it is such a noble desire that we should respect. Perhaps they wish to defend their family and their country, or they admire the soldiers in the military uniforms and strive to be like them.
For instance
, during the historical period, several
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
resisted and sacrificed to eliminate invaders and achieve freedom, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of them were heroines.
Moreover
, it is
increasingly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
who are in constabulary and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
police
force obtain more relevant expertise and high qualifications than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
do.
Hence
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
also
have the ability to afford these strenuous jobs and it is remarkable of the value that they created, regardless of gender.

In conclusion
, both views have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
strong arguments,
however
, I
personally
feel that both male and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
gender should have equal employment opportunities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
each gender has its feature that could support each other to accomplish harmony at work.
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IELTS essay Task 2: Some people think women should play an equal role in the police and military while others think women are less suitable for these roles.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
338 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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