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Task 2 People live longer in some part of the world. What do you think is the reason of this? Is this a good thing or a bad thing? v.2

Task 2 People live longer in some part of the world. What do you think is the reason of this? Is this a good thing or a bad thing? v. 2
The life of an average person varies among countries. While some individuals are fortunate to live till their ripe old age, others are not so lucky. It might even be country dependent and term it a blessing. This essay will discuss why there are differences between the mortality age among nations and will also argue why long lifespan of citizens is not a completely in the nation’s best interest. There are two main reasons why people live for a long period of time in some nations than others. The first is the health care system of these countries. Some nations, for example, Germany, have universal medical coverage for its residents. This policy gives everyone the opportunity to medical insurance irrespective of one’s social status, thus making health care very affordable. This is unlike some nations where citizens cannot afford basic health care. In these nations, citizens, especially indigent ones succumb to deaths that could have been preventable in the presence of a universal medical system. In addition, the lifestyle of citizens differs from society to society. For instance, the main diet of most Americans is made up of junk food. As a result, fat/cholesterol- related diseases like diabetes and heart failure has been one of the top killers of American residents. On the contrary, Asians are mostly vegetarians and this is evident in their long lifespan. In my opinion, a country whose citizens have a long life is not an entirely good thing because there would be a decrease in available labour. For instance, in Germany, 1 in 5 persons living there is age 80 and above leading to a shortage in the skills needed for labour. In quest for getting more manpower, Germany encouraged immigration and in the process, criminals found their way into the nation. Now, there is an influx of criminals which was almost nonexistent before in the country. In conclusion, people grow old before they die due to the availability of an affordable medical system and diet. However, this is not an entirely good situation as there will be a reduction in the available manpower for labour.
The life of an average person varies among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
individuals are fortunate to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
till their ripe
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
age, others are not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
lucky. It might even be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
dependent and term it a blessing. This essay will discuss why there are differences between the mortality age among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
and will
also
argue why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
long
lifespan of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
citizens
is not a completely in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation’s
best interest.

There are two main reasons why
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
long
period of time in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
than others. The
first
is the health care system of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
,
for example
, Germany, have universal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
coverage for its residents. This policy gives everyone the opportunity to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
insurance irrespective of one’s social status,
thus
making health care
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
affordable. This is unlike
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
citizens
cannot afford basic health care. In these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
citizens
,
especially
indigent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
succumb to deaths that could have been preventable in the presence of a universal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
system.
In addition
, the lifestyle of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
citizens
differs from society to society.
For instance
, the main diet of most Americans
is made
up of junk food.
As a result
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
/cholesterol- related diseases like diabetes and heart failure has been one of the top killers of American residents.
On the contrary
, Asians are
mostly
vegetarians and this is evident in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
long
lifespan.

In my opinion, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
whose
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
citizens
have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
long
life is not an
entirely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
thing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
there would be a decrease in available
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
.
For instance
, in Germany, 1 in 5 persons living there is age 80 and above leading to a shortage in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
needed for
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
. In quest for getting more manpower, Germany encouraged immigration and in the process, criminals found their way into the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
, there is an influx of criminals which was almost nonexistent
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
in the country.

In conclusion
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
grow
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
die
due to the availability of an affordable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
system and diet.
However
, this is not an
entirely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
situation as there will be a reduction in the available manpower for
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Task 2 People live longer in some part of the world. What do you think is the reason of this? Is this a good thing or a bad thing? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
351 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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