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talk about choosing a career

talk about choosing a career obgOV
Finishing school millions of young people begin their independent lives. They usually start making their future career choices from finding out all the possible advantages and disadvantages of their future profession. Some people follow their own choice, at the same time others follow their parents` advice. As far as I know, people usually begin making plans for the future asking themselves: “What do I want to be when I grow up/ leave school? ” We can address this question as many times as necessary until we have a definite answer. Then we can consider all the details and start preparing for the future profession. First of all, your job should seem interesting to you. I believe that an exciting job that you like is a very important component of happiness in life. Secondly, you should understand what skills and knowledge you need to have to do the job. You must be well-educated and well-informed. That is the reason why people should be attentive and careful in their choices, being able to study and work hard to succeed. I have already decided what to do. I would like to become a doctor. This profession is very noble and highly respectful. I understand that I need to be good at biology and chemistry, to become a good doctor and help people who have problems with health.
Finishing school millions of young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
their independent
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. They
usually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
making their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
career choices from finding out all the possible advantages and disadvantages of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
profession.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
follow their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
choice, at the same time others follow their parents` advice.

As far as I know,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
usually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
making plans for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
asking themselves: “What do I want to be when I grow up/
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
school? ” We can address this question as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
times as necessary until we have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
definite
answer. Then we can consider all the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
preparing for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
profession.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, your job should seem interesting to you. I believe that an exciting job that you like is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
component of happiness in life.
Secondly
, you should understand what
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and knowledge you need to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
do the job. You
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be well-educated and well-informed.
That is
the reason why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should be attentive and careful in their choices, being able to study and work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to succeed.

I have already decided what to do. I would like to become a doctor. This profession is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
noble and
highly
respectful. I understand that I need to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
at biology and chemistry, to become a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
doctor and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who have problems with health.
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IELTS essay talk about choosing a career

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
224 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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