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taking advice from family and friends

taking advice from family and friends rGP06
I believe that making a decision for a career, it is crucial that what person really want to do and to be involved. Taking someone's idea for a future-career is could not be the best way to choose a career. First of all, it has to be a main major that is already decided by the decision-maker. And taking someone's idea through person's main major could be more logical way to choose a career. Otherwise, it could be a disappointment. For example, I have decided to study master's degree in the major of digital marketing. And one of my friends gave me advice for working areas about digital marketing who works for google and studied digital marketing. I took her advice seriously because her major is related and she had and an experience. On the other hand, sometime taking advice from family or close friends could save them from a serious disappointment. People may not see their life from a different objective. Therefore, asking for advice to people that especially closely, will give them an advantage of that they can look at their life from a different perspective. And it will support them to make a proper decision for their career. Making decisions independently is important for main major that you interested in. Because only the person can know what really want to do. Taking advice for some points is, make the decision more clear. However, it should be based on the main idea. To conclude, It is argued that seeking and advice from family and friends for choosing a career and also deciding independently. The both ideas have advantages. In this writing, I examined and compared both ideas.
I believe that making a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decision
for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
, it is crucial that what person
really
want to do and to
be involved
. Taking someone's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
idea
for a future-career
Did you mean "it"?
is
could not be the best way to choose a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, it
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
be a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
major
that is
already decided by the decision-maker. And taking someone's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
idea
through person's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
major
could be more logical way to choose a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
.
Otherwise
, it could be a disappointment.
For example
, I have decided to study master's degree in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
major
of digital marketing. And one of my friends gave me
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advice
for working areas about digital marketing who works for google and studied digital marketing. I took her
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advice
seriously
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
her
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
major
is
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
related and
she had and an experience.

On the other hand
, sometime taking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advice
from family or close friends could save them from a serious disappointment.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
may not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
their life from a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
objective.
Therefore
, asking for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advice
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
that
especially
closely
, will give them an advantage of that they can look at their life from a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
perspective. And it will support them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a proper
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decision
for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
. Making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decisions
independently
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
major
that you interested in.
“Because” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Because
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the person can know what
really
want to do. Taking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advice
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
points is,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decision
more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
.
However
, it should
be based
on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
main
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
.

To conclude
, It
is argued
that seeking and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advice
from family and friends for choosing a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
and
also
deciding
independently
. The both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ideas
have advantages. In this writing, I examined and compared both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ideas
.
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IELTS essay taking advice from family and friends

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
279 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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