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t is pointless making children who lack artistic talent learn painting and drawing in Art classes at school. Instead, they should concentrate on other creative or practical subjects for which they may have more aptitude. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

t is pointless making children who lack artistic talent learn painting and drawing in Art classes at school. Instead, they should concentrate on other creative or practical subjects for which they may have more aptitude. WmMba
There is opinion, that children, which do not have artistic skills, should not be learn in school classes with Art direction and they need to focus on different subject, which more compatible with them. I mostly agree with that statement. On the one hand, children need to develop skills that they have more aptitude with, because it is far easier to learn a subject that pupil love. It could be improved in further life and children can become a solid professional in their case. Also, if we start to prohibit children do what they love and push them to learn subjects which we consider right for pupils, they can have started to disgust of it. As well children may have fall in depressions because of this restrictions. On the other hand, learning uninteresting subjects may open eyes on new opportunities. For instance, schoolchild, who has never loved math, can become a fine programmer if we can take his attention and start to making lessons in interesting shape for him. Also, studying something new is always rise up the brain activity thanks to which child can improve his grades within other subjects. For example, that is why grown up IT specialists in Silicon Valley sometimes rise up potatoes and flowers on their workplaces, because it is new for them. In conclusion, we need to try embed new subjects to children life, but it should be gentle and careful. Definitely we should not press on them, instead of that a better way would be optimisation of a school curriculum and making creative approach to lessons.
There is opinion, that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, which do not have artistic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, should not be
Consider using a past participle here: "learned", "learnt".
learn
in school classes with Art
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
direction and
they need to focus on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
, which more compatible with them. I
mostly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with that statement.

On the one hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
need to develop
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
that they have more aptitude with,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is far easier to learn a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
that pupil
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
. It could be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
in
further
life and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can become a solid professional in their case.
Also
, if we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to prohibit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
do what they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
and push them to learn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
which we consider right for pupils, they can have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
to disgust of it.
“As” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
As
well
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
may have fall in depressions
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
Did you mean "these"?
this
restrictions.

On the other hand
, learning uninteresting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
may open eyes on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
opportunities.
For instance
, schoolchild, who has never
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
math, can become a fine programmer if we can take his attention and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to making lessons in interesting shape for him.
Also
, studying something
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
is always
Consider using a past participle here: "risen".
rise
up the brain activity thanks to which child can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
his grades within other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
.
For example
,
that is
why grown up IT specialists in Silicon Valley
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
rise up potatoes and flowers on their workplaces,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
for them.

In conclusion
, we need to try embed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
life,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it should be gentle and careful. Definitely we should not press on them,
instead
of that a better way would be
Possible spelling mistake. 'optimisation' is British English.
optimisation
of a school curriculum and making creative approach to lessons.
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IELTS essay t is pointless making children who lack artistic talent learn painting and drawing in Art classes at school. Instead, they should concentrate on other creative or practical subjects for which they may have more aptitude.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
263 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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  • t is pointless making children who lack artistic talent learn painting and drawing in Art classes at school. Instead, they should concentrate on other creative or practical subjects for which they may have more aptitude. To what extent do you agree or disagree?