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suggest a sporting event and outline the contents

suggest a sporting event and outline the contents A5WN
Regarding the production of a programme about a local Hong Kong sporting event for Campus TV, I am writing to suggest a sporting event and outline the contents to be included in the programme. The ways to make it interesting to our schoolmates will also be discussed. To arouse students' interest in the programme, the sporting event should be one with which our schoolmates are not familiar. Among all types of sports, I think artistic gymnastics is an appropriate choice of sport to be featured in our programme. The main reason for the choice is that artistic gymnastics is an under-developed event in Hong Kong. Students are rarely able to learn more about this sport, let alone have the chance of being involved in gymnastics. Thus, through introducing this sport to our schoolmates, I believe they can acquire more knowledge about this unpopular sporting event, as well as understand sports in Hong Kong from a whole new perspective. In view of the short duration of our programme, it is suggested that we should focus on only a few aspects of artistic gymnastics in the show. Firstly, a brief background of artistic gymnastics and its development in Hong Kong are to be included at the beginning of the show. Then, some video clips of the daily training of gymnasts will be played to give the audience a glance of the daily life of them. Following the clips are the interviews with coaches and gymnasts from the Hong Kong artistic gymnastics team. Their first-hand experience enables the audience to gain a better understanding of the sport. Apart from the quotidian life, we should also collect video clips and snapshots of gymnastics competitions in which Hong Kong gymnasts have participated in recent years. Through seeing tne gymnasts' stunning Performances, the audience would further realise how vital hard work is to success in competitions. To make our programme more appealing, we can invite schoolmates who participate in gymnastics to have a friendly match with the gymnasts of the Hong Kong team in the programme. Also, we can mull over including a section in which interviewers who are complete novices in gymnastics and try out some simple gymnastics moves with the guidance of coaches and gymnasts after the interviews. This would definitely create a wow factor when students see their fellow schoolmates attempting cool tricks on the programme. I believe that through this proaramme students will be able to understand more about artistic gymnastics. I am sure tne promotion of this unpopular yet unique sporting event will be successful. I hope you will accept my suggestions mentioned above. Thank you for your Kind consideration.
Regarding the production of a
Possible spelling mistake. 'programme' is British English.
programme
about a local Hong Kong sporting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
event
for Campus TV, I am writing to suggest a sporting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
event
and outline the contents to
be included
in the
Possible spelling mistake. 'programme' is British English.
programme
. The ways to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it interesting to our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schoolmates
will
also
be discussed
.

To arouse students' interest in the
Possible spelling mistake. 'programme' is British English.
programme
, the sporting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
event
should be one with which our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schoolmates
are not familiar. Among all types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artistic
gymnastics is an appropriate choice of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
to
be featured
in our
Possible spelling mistake. 'programme' is British English.
programme
. The main reason for the choice is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artistic
gymnastics is an under-developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
event
in Hong Kong. Students are rarely able to learn more about this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
alone have the chance of
being involved
in gymnastics.
Thus
, through introducing this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
to our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schoolmates
, I believe they can acquire more knowledge about this unpopular sporting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
event
,
as well
as understand
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
in Hong Kong from a whole new perspective.

In view of the short duration of our
Possible spelling mistake. 'programme' is British English.
programme
, it
is suggested
that we should focus on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a few aspects of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artistic
gymnastics in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
.
Firstly
, a brief background of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artistic
gymnastics and its development in Hong Kong are to
be included
at the beginning of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
. Then,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
video clips of the daily training of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gymnasts
will
be played
to give the audience a glance of the daily life of them. Following the clips are the interviews with coaches and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gymnasts
from the Hong Kong
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artistic
gymnastics team. Their
first
-hand experience enables the audience to gain a better understanding of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
. Apart from the quotidian life, we should
also
collect video clips and snapshots of gymnastics competitions in which Hong Kong
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gymnasts
have participated in recent years. Through seeing
Possible spelling mistake found.
tne
gymnasts' stunning Performances, the audience would
further
Possible spelling mistake. 'realise' is British English.
realise
how vital
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work is to success in competitions.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
our
Possible spelling mistake. 'programme' is British English.
programme
more appealing, we can invite
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schoolmates
who participate in gymnastics to have a friendly match with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gymnasts
of the Hong Kong team in the
Possible spelling mistake. 'programme' is British English.
programme
.
Also
, we can mull over including a section in which interviewers who are complete novices in gymnastics and try out
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
simple gymnastics
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
moves
with the guidance of coaches and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gymnasts
after the interviews. This would definitely create a wow factor when students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
their fellow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schoolmates
attempting cool tricks on the
Possible spelling mistake. 'programme' is British English.
programme
.

I believe that through this
Possible spelling mistake found.
proaramme
students will be able to understand more about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artistic
gymnastics. I am sure
Possible spelling mistake found.
tne
promotion of this unpopular
yet
unique sporting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
event
will be successful.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
I
hope you will accept my suggestions mentioned above. Thank you for your Kind consideration.
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IELTS essay suggest a sporting event and outline the contents

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
439 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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