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Sugar manufacturing process

Sugar manufacturing process keVOd

The illustration demonstrates the manufacturing process of sugar from a sugar cane. This procedure includes 7 steps from planting to the final product. First of all, sugar canes are grown for a period of 12 to 18 months before harvesting. Next, the grown plants can be harvested either by laborers or large industrial agricultural machines. Thereafter, sugar canes were crushed in order to extract the juice. This is filtered through a limestone filter for purification. Then, purified juice was put into an evaporator under heat. It turned juice into syrup. Next, the sugar crystals which are available in the sugar syrup are separated by a centrifuge. Finally, these are dried and cooled.

The illustration demonstrates the manufacturing process of You use this word too often, consider replacing it withcarbohydrate
sugar
 from a You use this word too often, consider replacing it withcarbohydrate
sugar
 cane. This procedure includes 7 steps from planting to the final product.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".First
First of all
, You use this word too often, consider replacing it withcarbohydrate
sugar
 canes are grown
 for a period of 12 to 18 months This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:previouslyprior to
before
 harvesting. Next
, the grown plants can be harvested
 either by laborers or large industrial agricultural machines. Thereafter, You use this word too often, consider replacing it withcarbohydrate
sugar
 canes were crushed
 in order to extract the juice. This is filtered
 through a limestone filter for purification.

Then, purified juice was put
 into an evaporator under heat. It turned juice into syrup. Next
, the You use this word too often, consider replacing it withcarbohydrate
sugar
 crystals which are available in the You use this word too often, consider replacing it withcarbohydrate
sugar
 syrup are separated
 by a centrifuge. Finally
, these are dried
 and cooled. 

IELTS essay Sugar manufacturing process

Essay

American English

3 paragraphs

112 words

This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1

4.0

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5

Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
?
One main idea per paragraph
Include an introduction and conclusion
Support main points with an explanation and then an example
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Vary your linking phrases using synonyms

Lexical Resource: 6.5

Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes

Grammatical Range: 6.5

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
Check your writing for errors

Task Achievement: 6.0

Answer all parts of the question
?
Present relevant ideas
Fully explain these ideas
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

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