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Government Should control the amount of violence

Government Should control the amount of violence GljDx
These days, a large number of movies and TV programs tend to include many aggressive scenes to attract audiences'attention. The figure of violent convicts are increasing at an alarming rate. It is suggested that government should regulate the decrease of violent in films and other forms of electronic media. In my view, I partly agree with this above viewpoint. To begin with the bad influence of aggressive movies on audiences. Teenagers and adolescents are the subject who are easily affected by these fierce scenes. They are extremely susceptible and immature that they are not able to aware of their minds and own actions. Moreover, juveniles are more likely inmitated thể manner of those figures and have a difficult awareness between reality and fantasy. For instance, a little boy watches a superhero movie on TV, he believes everything cần be tackled by violence. As a consequence, he performs them again with friends and lead to the instability in school and society. On the other hand, unrestricted scenes of gore and violence on TV which can lead people become accustomed to negativity. These days, numerous movies which always contain more action, bloody and aggressive scenes, are gradually prevailing to attract audiences' attention. Not only juveniles but adults who have a proper awareness also can be affected by negative impacts from depraved programs. In fact, a long time exposure with violent scenes can make people become a bastard. Obviously, when peole lose a sense and awareness, they can do a núm of incredible things. For the illustration, in Viet Nam most of crimes usually start from normal things which shown on TV programs exspecially fierce filmsIn conclusion, we can not deny a benefit of film industry which brings to humans'society. However, to regulate the degree of cruel crimes, authorities should enforce some laws about about strictly managing the amount of violence and gore in movies.
These days,
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
and TV programs tend to include
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
aggressive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scenes
to attract audiences'attention. The figure of violent convicts are increasing at an alarming rate. It
is suggested
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should regulate the decrease of violent in films and other forms of electronic media. In my view, I partly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this above viewpoint. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
influence of aggressive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
on audiences.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Teenagers
and adolescents are the subject who are
easily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
by these fierce
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scenes
. They are
extremely
susceptible and immature that they are not able to aware of their minds and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
actions.
Moreover
, juveniles are more likely
Possible spelling mistake found.
inmitated
Possible spelling mistake found.
thể
manner of those figures and have a difficult awareness between reality and fantasy.
For instance
, a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
boy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watches
a superhero
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movie
on TV, he believes everything
Possible spelling mistake found.
cần
be tackled
by violence. As a consequence, he performs them again with friends and lead to the instability in school and society.
On the other hand
, unrestricted
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scenes
of gore and violence on TV which can lead
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
become accustomed to negativity. These days, numerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
which always contain more action, bloody and aggressive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scenes
, are
gradually
prevailing to attract audiences' attention. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
juveniles
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
adults who have a proper awareness
also
can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts from depraved programs. In fact, a long time exposure with violent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scenes
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
become a bastard.
Obviously
, when
Possible spelling mistake found.
peole
lose a sense and awareness, they can do a
Possible spelling mistake found.
núm
of incredible things. For the illustration, in
Possible spelling mistake found.
Viet
Nam
After 'most of', you should use 'the' ("most of the crimes") or simply say "most crimes".
most of crimes
usually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
from normal things which shown on TV programs
Possible spelling mistake found.
exspecially
fierce
Possible spelling mistake found.
filmsIn
conclusion, we can not deny a benefit of film industry which brings to humans'society.
However
, to regulate the degree of cruel crimes, authorities should enforce
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
laws
Possible typo: you repeated a word
about about
strictly
managing the amount of violence and gore in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
.

IELTS essay Government Should control the amount of violence

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
312 words
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
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  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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