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sucesss story and difficult times

sucesss story and difficult times bQ0AB
Okay my story started from the 4th year at the faculty of pharmacy in HUE (Horus university in Egypt ) there was a student called Zeyad. he was desperately trying to get excellent grade in the second semester to get a GBA 3. 7 that will help me. By the choice of the mother fucker minister of high education he decided back then to stop the semester and remove the grade system, which make all my effort in vain. I was very mad back then, but I saw a glimpse of hope when I tried to cross my fear and started to learn about careers in pharmaceutical companies. from back then I put a massive effort into learning all knowledge about how to start a career in pharmaceutical companies. During this period, I had to do many assignments most of them were new, hard and cause fearing. but I came up to this conclusion, what I am gone lose If I did this. finally, I decided to gradually get into contacting with people, a lot of people. I forget to say one of crucial assignment I did that was a video to introduce myself and other to talk about my major too. Creating a LinkedIn profile which later helped me to reach more and more knowledge and information about certain jobs, peoples, and certain people I made connection with. In conclusion, I want to say there is no need to feel afraid about talking to people you are one of million of people existed in the whole world. start now don’t wait to be ready. you will never be ready; you should be prepared always. Thank you for seeing it.
Okay my story
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
from the 4th year at the faculty of pharmacy in HUE (Horus university in Egypt
Don't put a space before the closing parenthesis
)
there was a student called
Possible spelling mistake found.
Zeyad
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
he
was
desperately
trying to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
excellent grade in the second semester to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a GBA 3. 7 that will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
me. By the choice of the mother fucker minister of high education he decided back then to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
the semester and remove the grade system, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
all my effort in vain. I was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
mad back then,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
a glimpse of hope when I tried to cross my fear and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
to learn about careers in pharmaceutical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
from
back then I put a massive effort into learning all knowledge about how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
a career in pharmaceutical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
.

During this period, I had to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
assignments most of them were new,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
and cause fearing.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
but
I came up to this conclusion, what I
am gone
lose If I did this.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
finally
, I decided to
gradually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
into contacting with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. I forget to say one of crucial assignment I did that was a video to introduce myself and other to talk about my major too. Creating a LinkedIn profile which later
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
me to reach more and more knowledge and information about certain jobs,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
peoples
, and certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
I made connection with.

In conclusion
, I want to say there is no need to feel afraid about talking to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
you are one of million of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
existed in the whole world.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
start
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
don’t wait to be ready.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
you
will never be ready; you should
be prepared
always.

Thank you for seeing it.
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IELTS essay sucesss story and difficult times

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
280 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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