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some individuals believe that every child should be taught how to play music. To what extent do you agree?

some individuals believe that every child should be taught how to play music. LGerG
Musical apparatus such as violin, guitar and consequently on, which are the main core of the rap, are extremely much enjoyable and heart-warming. On the contrary, what are the effective ways of dealing with these kinds of apparatus. Several teaching staff members believe that the heart-warming gadget should be taught to the children. I completely agree with the mentioned statement and in this essay, I will support my views with suitable examples. Firstly, by learning and performing the musical equipements, each student can refresh their minds for upcoming activities such as study, playing and so on, and as a result, they can deal with them in a superior and effective manner. Every student, for instance, is dealing with some challenging problems, mostly with the studies in their early ages, can be able to give time to itself with the help of rap. If a learner learn instrumental things easily then, it will be extremely helpful for them to concentrate on a single thing whatever they want to do. Another reason why I agree is that, students who want to pursue their careers in music can be able to take the relevant courses for rap trainings, and hence, they can make satisfying amount by melody. To illustration, in every government field, the competition for job seekers is very high, which lead to job deficiency, so it is better to do some startups of own in soul. I strongly believe that, music gear learners like children can easily achieve their goal, if they give time and their passion to it, and hence, it can be a backup option for students. On the other hand, some parents believe that, learning musical instruments is totally a waste of money and time as contrast with the education, which they are gaining now. They think that, if their kids learn how to play these gear, as a result, they will definitely going to fail in the exams and can not be able to do better in their young ages. In conclusion, a number of tutors think that teaching and playing musical equipments is far better than any other mind fresh activities. In my view, it is a great opportunity for the early ages to learn the equipments, which will provide them a better security in their upcoming life. Personally, I think melody is the best way to approach their goals as well as to refresh their minds.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Musical
apparatus such as violin, guitar and
consequently
on, which are the main core of the rap, are
extremely
much enjoyable and heart-warming.
On the contrary
, what are the effective ways of dealing with these kinds of apparatus. Several teaching staff members believe that the heart-warming gadget should
be taught
to the children. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the mentioned statement and in this essay, I will support my views with suitable examples.

Firstly
, by learning and performing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
musical
Possible spelling mistake found.
equipements
, each student can refresh their minds for upcoming activities such as study, playing and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on, and
as a result
, they can deal with them in a superior and effective manner. Every student,
for instance
, is dealing with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
challenging problems,
mostly
with the studies in their early ages, can be able to give time to itself with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of rap. If a learner learn instrumental things
easily
then, it will be
extremely
helpful for them to concentrate on a single thing whatever they want to do.

Another reason why I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
is that, students who want to pursue their careers in music can be able to take the relevant courses for rap trainings, and
hence
, they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
satisfying amount by melody. To illustration, in every
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
field, the competition for job seekers is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
high, which lead to job deficiency,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
startups of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
in soul. I
strongly
believe that, music gear learners like children can
easily
achieve their goal, if they give time and their passion to it, and
hence
, it can be a backup option for students.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
parents believe that, learning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
musical
instruments is
totally
a waste of money and time as contrast with the education, which they are gaining
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that, if their kids learn how to play these gear,
as a result
, they will definitely
The verb 'will' requires the base form of the verb: "go"
going
to fail in the exams and can not be able to do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
in their young ages.

In conclusion
, a number of tutors
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that teaching and playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
musical
equipments is far
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
than any other mind fresh activities. In my view, it is a great opportunity for the early ages to learn the equipments, which will provide them a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
security in their upcoming life.
Personally
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
melody is the best way to approach their goals
as well
as to refresh their minds.
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IELTS essay some individuals believe that every child should be taught how to play music.

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
401 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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