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successful sports professionals can earn a great deal more money than people in other important professions. some people think this is fully justified while others think it is unfair. discuss both these views and your own opinion.

successful sports professionals can earn a great deal more money than people in other important professions. some people think this is fully justified while others think it is unfair. 6eAl
these days the world has placed a great premium on the high-achievement people in the field of sport and this kind of people enjoy more money as well as high social status. With regards to this deniable fact, many people believe that this difference and the financial gap is acceptable and true, while others argue that it is unjustified and should be revised. I completely agree with criticism against the sports professionals and my reasons are as follows. In my opinion, sport jobholders should be paid less money and it is unnecessary to make a high-paid contract with them. Firstly, there are lots of matters and problems in any countries ranging from affluent countries to poorer ones, thus we have to take them into consideration and government ought to take measures to address. In addition, spending money in the way of developing sports irrespective of other professions, undoubtedly results in unsatisfactory between other people in a society. Despite the great value of sports and its essential role in a healthy society, but paying much money to sport professionals is not desirable and also have negative individually impact on society, wanted or unwanted. For instance, in our country we are faced with poverty and a large numbers of the needy and our sport professionals are received much money every year from treasury and have high-tech cars and expensive houses in the best neighborhood in Iran. On the other side, I believe that it is of importance to encourage other professions. Firstly, they could possibly establish new jobs and opportunities to recruit unemployed youngsters and thereby decreasing crimes in a society. Besides, by means of encouraging other professions, everyone could feel a great sense of justice and happiness. By way of conclusion, high-paid sport professionals are not desirable and I believe we should pay attention more to other professions.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
these
days the world has placed a great premium on the high-achievement
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the field of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
and this kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
enjoy more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
as well
as high social status.
Use "in regard to", "with regard to", or more simply "regarding".
With regards to
this deniable fact,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that this difference and the financial gap is acceptable and true, while others argue that it
is unjustified
and should
be revised
. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with criticism against the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professionals
and my reasons are as follows.

In my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
jobholders should
be paid
less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
and it is unnecessary to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a high-paid contract with them.
Firstly
, there are lots of matters and problems in any countries ranging from affluent countries to poorer ones,
thus
we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
take them into consideration and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
ought to take measures to address.
In addition
, spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
in the way of developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
irrespective of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professions
,
undoubtedly
results in unsatisfactory between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
. Despite the great value of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
and its essential role in a healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
paying much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professionals
is not desirable and
also
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
individually
impact on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
, wanted or unwanted.
For instance
, in our country we
are faced
with poverty and a large
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "number"?
numbers
of the needy and our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professionals
are received
much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
every year from treasury and have high-tech cars and expensive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
in the best neighborhood in Iran.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
side, I believe that it is of importance to encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professions
.
Firstly
, they could
possibly
establish new jobs and opportunities to recruit unemployed youngsters and thereby decreasing crimes in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
.
Besides
, by means of encouraging
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professions
, everyone could feel a great sense of justice and happiness.

By way of conclusion, high-paid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professionals
are not desirable and I believe we should pay attention more to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professions
.
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IELTS essay successful sports professionals can earn a great deal more money than people in other important professions. some people think this is fully justified while others think it is unfair.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
307 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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