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Successful sports professionals can earn a great deal more money than people in other important professions. Some people think this is fully justified while others think it is unfair. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Successful sports professionals can earn a great deal more money than people in other important professions. Some people think this is fully justified while others think it is unfair. 0133
Famous sports stars have a higher salary than workers in other relevant careers. Certain populations think this is fair, while others believe it is unjustified. The wealthy of those people would be justified, because they get paid for their image as well,  but many individuals think that their input to society is not so important as a doctor, for example. In my opinion, I agree that the sports professionals earn a great amount of money, due to the fact that it is absolutely difficult to become a sports celebrity. Some careers are fundamental in society such as those related to health and education, despite the fact that a number of them are not well paying jobs. For one side, medicine can help us to improve our health, and for the other side teachers can give us a great knowledge, for changing our lives. However, both areas are not as valuable as they deserve. For instance, in Chile professors only receive $1500 dollars approximately, a low remuneration for the amount of hours that they work, because they even spend time doing their work on weekends. On the other hand, there is another view that justifies the high salary in professions related to sports such as soccer or tennis players. In the elite leagues, those persons can receive a salary that is absolutely different to any human. Nevertheless, this amount is fair, because they get paid for publicity and because fans spend money on tickets or premium channels to watch them. Also, their professions are very short, and start when they are child, hence they make a big sacrifice. In conclusion, in my view, successful sports players have justified their remuneration, because they have many sources of financing. Perhaps it would be unfair that they don’t obtain that money, due to this would probably go to the entrepreneurs, and they don’t deserve this.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
stars have a higher salary than workers in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
relevant careers. Certain populations
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
this is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fair
, while others believe it
is unjustified
. The wealthy of those
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
would
be justified
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
paid for their image
as well
,
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
individuals
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that their input to society is not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
as a doctor,
for example
. In my opinion, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
professionals earn a great amount of money, due to the fact that it is
absolutely
difficult to become a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
celebrity.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
careers are fundamental in society such as those related to health and education, despite the fact that a number of them are not well paying jobs. For one side, medicine can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
us to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
our health, and for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
side teachers can give us a great knowledge, for changing our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
However
, both areas are not as valuable as they deserve.
For instance
, in Chile professors
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
receive
Consider using "1500" only; there is no need for the currency symbol because 'dollars' follows
$1500
dollars approximately, a low remuneration for the amount of hours that they work,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they even spend time doing their work on weekends.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, there is another view that justifies the high salary in professions related to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
such as soccer or tennis players. In the elite leagues, those persons can receive a salary
that is
absolutely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
to any human.
Nevertheless
, this amount is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fair
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
paid for publicity and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
fans spend money on tickets or premium channels to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
them.
Also
, their professions are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
short, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
when they are child,
hence
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
sacrifice.

In conclusion
, in my view, successful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
players have justified their remuneration,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
sources of financing. Perhaps it would be unfair that they don’t obtain that money, due to this would
probably
go to the entrepreneurs, and they don’t deserve this.
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IELTS essay Successful sports professionals can earn a great deal more money than people in other important professions. Some people think this is fully justified while others think it is unfair.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
311 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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