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Nowadays, there is dramatic fall in forests area due to rapid increase in human population and with this the wild animals are victimized the most.

Nowadays, there is dramatic fall in forests area due to rapid increase in human population and with this the wild animals are victimized the most. mgmN
Nowadays, there is dramatic fall in forests area due to rapid increase in human population and with this the wild animals are victimized the most. Meanwhile people have different opinions about saving and protecting wild animals. A group of people believe that all wild animals should be protected while others think that we should only preserve several ones. The following paragraphs will discuss both views in detail, but I personally believe that all wild animals should be conserved. To begin with, some people do not support the idea to preserve all wild animals for plethora of reasons. Firstly, they believe that the overpopulation of wild animals could become a threat to our existence. In other words, some wild animals are danger to human life and resources. Zebra, case in point, if its population in Africa is protected, and then the existence of these animals might become overpopulated, and as a result, they might explore the farming areas in Africa. Secondly, conserving wild animals requires a large amount of money. They believe that these funds should be allocated for humanity issues, as many third world countries are still struggling against starvation and deadly diseases. However, others think that all wild animals must be protected. The main reason behind this view is that all of the wild animals play an important role in the ecosystem. Should there be one of these animals extinct, then the ecosystem would be unbalanced and it might have a catastrophic effect on the environment. Moreover, the existence of these wild animals is beneficial for human beings. To enumerate, scientists have found that some wild animals could be used as a medical treatment, such as the blood of a snake which can be used to heal skin diseases. Furthermore, all wild animals are important and should be equally protected. To explain, protecting some selected wild animals may lead to extinction of others and result in damage to the biodiversity of the world. In conclusion, people have divergent views on protecting wild animals. As, every animal in one way or another is important to maintain balance in ecosystem, all should be protected.
Nowadays, there is dramatic fall in forests area due to rapid increase in human population and with this the wild
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
are victimized
the most.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Meanwhile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
opinions about saving and protecting wild
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
. A group of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that all wild
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
should be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
protected
while others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that we should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
preserve several ones. The following paragraphs will discuss both views in detail,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I
personally
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that all wild
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
should
be conserved
.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not support the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
to preserve all wild
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
for plethora of reasons.
Firstly
, they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that the overpopulation of wild
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
could become a threat to our existence. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
wild
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
to human life and resources. Zebra, case in point, if its population in Africa is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
protected
, and then the existence of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
might become overpopulated, and
as a result
, they might explore the farming areas in Africa.
Secondly
, conserving wild
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
requires a large amount of money. They
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that these funds should
be allocated
for humanity issues, as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
third world countries are
still
struggling against starvation and deadly diseases.

However
, others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that all wild
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
protected
. The main reason behind this view is that
Consider using "all the".
all of the
wild
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
play an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in the ecosystem. Should there be one of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
extinct, then the ecosystem would
be unbalanced
and it might have a catastrophic effect on the environment.
Moreover
, the existence of these wild
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
is beneficial for human beings. To enumerate, scientists have found that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
wild
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
could be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
as a medical treatment, such as the blood of a snake which can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to heal skin diseases.
Furthermore
, all wild
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
and should be
equally
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
protected
. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
, protecting
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
selected wild
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
may lead to extinction of others and result in damage to the biodiversity of the world.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have divergent views on protecting wild
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
. As, every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
in one way or another is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to maintain balance in ecosystem, all should be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
protected
.
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IELTS essay Nowadays, there is dramatic fall in forests area due to rapid increase in human population and with this the wild animals are victimized the most.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
353 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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