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success is often measured richness

success is often measured richness N3xnj
Nowadays, most people think richness is the main reason for achievement. From my point of view, there are too many causes that influence our achievement in lifelong, and affluence is one of them. On the one hand, most people make an effort to gain something during their lifelong, which means they will aim to access the university without any support. Additionally, affluence is the less amount of success, and some of the people who are the businessmen’s children don’t catch the achievements in life. For instance, Kim John Sang is the son of a hardworking and one of the most affluent doctors in Japan, but he is homeless now, and he can not utilize his father’s richness. If humans were too rich, they would be creating their success, which means it depends on their diligence. On the other hand, it depends on some reason the most people should be creating their achievements, despite their starting were unlucky. Moreover, if the people had behaved patiently, they would be successful. For instance, Elon Musk is one of the victorious people in our country because he was working 20 hours during the day in his university years. Furthermore, everyone could be successful in the world, it depends on their patients and hardworking, which means affluence could not control your luck over a lifetime. In conclusion, affluence means may be lucky, otherwise lucky means are not only richness. I strongly believe that all people could luckily in their lifelong without any unfortunate starting.
Nowadays, most
people
think
richness is the main reason for
achievement
. From my point of view, there are too
many
causes that influence our
achievement
in lifelong, and
affluence
is one of them.

On the one hand, most
people
make
an effort to gain something during their lifelong, which
means
they will aim to access the university without any support.
Additionally
,
affluence
is the less amount of success, and
some of the
people
who are the businessmen’s children don’t catch the
achievements
in life.
For instance
, Kim John Sang is the son of a hardworking and one of the most affluent doctors in Japan,
but
he is homeless
now
, and he can not utilize his father’s richness. If humans were too rich, they would be creating their success, which
means
it depends on their diligence.

On the other hand
, it depends on
some
reason the most
people
should be creating their
achievements
, despite their starting were unlucky.
Moreover
, if the
people
had behaved
patiently
, they would be successful.
For instance
, Elon Musk is one of the victorious
people
in our country
because
he was working 20 hours during the day in his university years.
Furthermore
, everyone could be successful in the world, it depends on their patients and hardworking, which
means
affluence
could not control your luck over a lifetime.

In conclusion
,
affluence
means
may be lucky,
otherwise
lucky
means
are not
only
richness. I
strongly
believe that all
people
could luckily in their lifelong without any unfortunate starting.
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IELTS essay success is often measured richness

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
249 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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