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Success is measured by wealth and material possessions. Do you think wealth is the best measure of success? What makes a successful person?

Success is measured by wealth and material possessions. Do you think wealth is the best measure of success? What makes a successful person? GR0m
As we live in a materialistic world, everyone is running after money to fulfill the basic needs of their families. Apropos of the statement success is always ralates with materialistic things and money. However, in my opinion, to have a lots of money or expensive items do means that person is successful. There are some other aspects which are necessary in the life of a person to be successful, which will be discussed in forthcoming paragraphs. To begin with, good health, although money is essential for fundamental needs. But without having good health, people are not abled to enjoy the success. To examplify, if person is not physically or mentally able to work or think then, he will not gain a good position or success in a firm. Thus, health is a Paramount aspect to become a successful person. Furthermore, behavior toward others, behavior of a person is another aspect which is the foundation of successful person. For example, the salesman of a organisation can build up the sale with the influence of good nature and communication skills. In shorts, people are nothing without having a polite nature because it is a key of success not wealth. To conclude, it can be said that, although the money is important for bread and butter. But it cannot be a messure of success. Because other factors like good health and polite nature or behaviour are the important for being a successful.
As we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in a materialistic world, everyone is running after
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to fulfill the basic needs of their families. Apropos of the statement
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
is always
Possible spelling mistake found.
ralates
with materialistic things and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
However
, in my opinion, to have
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "a lot" or simply "lots"?
a lots
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
or expensive items do means that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
other aspects which are necessary in the life of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
to be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
, which will
be discussed
in forthcoming paragraphs. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
, although
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money
is essential for fundamental needs.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
without having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are
Possible spelling mistake found.
not abled
to enjoy the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
. To
Possible spelling mistake found.
examplify
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
is not
physically
or mentally able to work or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
then, he will not gain a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
position or
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success
in a firm.
Thus
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
is a Paramount aspect to become a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
.
Furthermore
, behavior toward others, behavior of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
is another aspect which is the foundation of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
.
For example
, the salesman of
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisation' is British English.
organisation
can build up the sale with the influence of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
nature and communication
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
. In shorts,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are nothing without having a polite nature
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is a key of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
not wealth.
To conclude
, it can
be said
that, although the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for bread and butter.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
it cannot be a
Possible spelling mistake found.
messure
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
other factors like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
and polite nature or
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
are the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for being a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
.

IELTS essay Success is measured by wealth and material possessions. Do you think wealth is the best measure of success? What makes a successful person?

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
239 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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